Hindsight

Hindsight


Disclaimer: I don’t own YYH and have no rights to the song ‘You Don’t Know Me’


cillaxox: Happy Anniversary to me! I have been writing fanfiction for one year now! *pauses for applause* Technically May 19 is the special day, but I’ll be busy working then so I’m posting now. To commemorate this occasion I have written a songfic about the first (and favorite) pairing I ever wrote about, Yusuke and Kurama. I chose to write a songfic, because I’ve never written one before and I like to try new things. This is one of my favorite songs. The song is ‘You Don’t Know Me’ by Ray Charles; if you haven’t heard it then I suggest you listen to it, because it’s really amazing. It’s my 2nd favorite Ray Charles song. If anyone has seen Metropolis then you’ll know why it’s only my 2nd favorite song.

Italics= song lyrics
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This is the day everyone has been waiting for, everyone except for me. I knew this day would come sooner rather than later, but it still took me by surprise. You can never prepare yourself to lose the one you love.


You give your hand to me
And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.


“There’s the lucky groom.” I take a second to straighten your bow tie. “Are you ready?”

You smile nervously. “I’ve done a lot of crazy shit in my life, but getting hitched has been the only thing to actually scare me.”

“Weddings are like that, no matter how much you love the person you still get nervous.” I have to stop myself from biting my tongue in order to say, “But you shouldn’t be scared. Yusuke, you’re marrying a remarkable woman. If two people were ever made for each other it’s you and Keiko.”

“Do you really mean that Kurama?”

It’s a struggle, but I force myself to smile anyways. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I’d never lie to you.”

You pull me close in an abrupt hug. “You’re a good friend.”

I wish I could stay in your arms forever, but you release me just as quickly as you embraced me.

“The ceremony will start soon.” You run off to take your place where you jump up and declare, “I’m getting married!”

I laugh, it helps to hold the tears at bay, but when this is all over and I’m alone there won’t be enough laughter in the world. I take my seat in the front row. Even though I don’t want you to go through with this I still want to show my support.

It would be easier if I didn’t like Keiko. The problem is I honestly do believe the two of you are good together. She compliments you. Where you are harsh she is gentle. Where you are unrelenting she can be forgiving. She stands by your side no matter what harm might come to her. She’s your reason for surviving. The reason why you fight to the very end of each battle and are always victorious.

I could have been to you what Keiko is. I could have been your reason. If only I had told you sooner maybe things would be different.


No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.


This is a tale of unrequited love that began six years ago. After I met you we became allies, more than that we became friends. There were many qualities about you that I found appealing. Your openness was probably your most refreshing trait. I admired your bravery and respected your loyalty even more. In short, I liked you.

I thought of you often, but only as a friend. However, that began to change. You tormented my sleep giving vexing dreams that filled me with a sense of longing. When I was awake I still had no reprieve. If I wasn’t working with you on a mission then thoughts of you were running rampant through my mind. I was never alone, because you were always with me.

One night, many years ago, you told me, ‘Kurama if you weren’t a guy I would totally date you.’

You were drunk when you said it and it was meant as a joke, but it still had a profound affect on me. In that moment I realized I was in love with you.

I had never been in love before. Even my other half, Youko, was unfamiliar with the emotion. It was something I had to grapple with on my own. I didn’t know if I was supposed to tell you how I felt or wait for you to express yourself to me. I was tempted to ask my mother, but was ashamed to admit I couldn’t solve this on my own. So I did nothing.

Being around you soon became torture. It became so bad I had to avoid you all together. I didn’t know which was worse: being around you knowing I couldn’t have you or not being able to see you at all. Both options left me feeling empty.

After a month you came looking for me. You were mad. You barged into my house and demanded to know ‘what my damn problem was.’

That would have been the perfect time to tell you. I intended to tell you right then and there, but I was afraid. I was afraid that you would not return my feelings. I was afraid that you would find my love repulsive and as a result I would lose your friendship. It meant the world to me, because it was the only connection I had to you.

I told you that I was going through some personal problems, but didn’t want to discuss them. You believed that sorry excuse and we never spoke of it again. I may not have had your love, but at least I still had your friendship.

I soon realized that friendship couldn’t satiate the hidden desire I had for you. Friendship wouldn’t hold me at night. Friendship wouldn’t return love. True it was a type of love, but it wasn’t the kind I wanted. I wanted the type where you and I would give ourselves completely to one another, but I was too scared to tell you this.


For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.


By the time I found the courage to express my feelings it was too late. I arrived at your apartment a year ago, only to have you show me the engagement ring you picked out for Keiko. I knew then that I would never have you.

I don’t blame Keiko any more than I blame you. The fault lies within me. I had six years to tell you I love you. Six years and not once did I give you even the slightest hint. To this day you still don’t know how I feel and you never will either. I’ll take this secret to my grave.


You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me


It was a beautiful ceremony. I watched as you vowed to love and cherish Keiko. Watched as you slipped a wedding ring on her finger. I couldn’t watch as you kissed her that was more than I could handle.

I’m one of the first people to greet the new couple. I give Keiko a kiss on the cheek then whisper in her ear, “Take care of him.”

She looks at you with adoring eyes and promises do so.

I can’t stop myself from giving you a hug. I know it’s because I’ve lost you forever.

“Relax Kurama, just cause I’m married doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” You shake yourself of my arms. “I’ll see you at the reception.”

They make their way through a throng well-wishers and climb into the car that will take them to the reception hall.

Yes Yusuke we’ll always be friends, friends and nothing more.

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.

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cillaxox: I like Keiko. I don’t know why she gets such a bad wrap. She’s a sweetie pie so there was no way I was going to have Kurama bash her.