What Price Love?

//And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance; I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance//

**Flashback**

“Are you absolutely sure about this, Shu?” The tall, lanky blonde with the electric-blue eyes leaned haphazardly against the cubicle, watching as his friend and co-worker continued methodically transferring the detritus of the past three years from his desk to the small packing box that sat atop it.

Emerald eyes met sapphire as Shuuichi Minamino, also known to a very select few as Kurama, looked up. He favored the blonde with a small grin before replying. “You do know that’s the 295th time in the last three weeks you’ve asked me that, don’t you, Micah?” Without waiting for a reply, Kurama continued, “just how many more times do you plan to ask the same question?”

Micah Sinclaire grinned back at his friend. “As many times as it takes to get you to change your mind, Red,” he answered. “You’re the best damned graphic designer this company – hell… this industry’s seen in a long time. And that’s a direct quote from my father, by the way.”

Micah hesitated a moment, the smile slipping from his face. “Seriously, though, Shu,” he continued, “you’re my friend… probably the closest one I’ve got, and I’m gonna’ miss you. Hell, you haven’t even left yet, and I’m already missing you!”

“Then,” the redhead replied, “you should understand why I must return. Though it isn’t only myself that I considered in making this decision, Micah, but Ryuushin as well. It’s past time he became acquainted with his family. ”

A half-hearted, somewhat lopsided grin appeared on the American’s pouty lips. “Now you’ve done it, Red,” he said, “got me missin’ not only you, but the Munchkin as well.”

The tone was playful; the words half-teasing, yet Kurama heard the underlying sorrow in them, and he hated himself for the pain he knew his leaving was causing his friend. ‘At least,’ he thought, ‘I’m saying goodbye; unlike…..’

**End Flashback**

‘…..Hiei.’ Kurama sighed inwardly; the memory fading as he leaned his head to rest against the seatback, closed his eyes and let the muted sound of the plane’s engine momentarily soothe his heart and spirit.

A small sound intruded on his brief respite and Kurama opened his eyes, head automatically turning to glance over at the seat beside him. As always, a soft smile graced his full lips as Kurama gazed down at his son.

Ryuushin was the perfect blend of himself and Hiei. He had the same spiky raven hair as his fire demon father, though the starburst above the dark bangs was silver – Youko Kurama’s contribution. Like the hiyoukai, he was small, with the same delicate, fine-boned features. His eyes, though almond shaped like Hiei’s, were the vibrant emerald of Kurama’s human aspect. He was a quiet child, as both his demon parents tended to be, with the gentle nature of his half-human/half-youko father; although on the rare occasions when roused, he displayed the same fiery temper as his half-fire demon/half-Koorime sire.

Kurama had been smitten with his son from the moment Shiori had placed the small blanket wrapped bundle in his arms three years ago, and that love had only grown stronger and deeper as the years progressed. Now, as he looked at his child, he couldn’t help but marvel at the peculiar twist of Fate (or perhaps it had been nothing more than Inari’s rather perverse sense of humor) that had taken his lover, only to gift him in return with the small boy at his side.

Ryuushin was curled in his seat, small arms securely wrapped around the stuffed dragon he held tightly to his chest. One tiny hand continuously stroked iridescent black scales as he crooned soft words to the toy.

It had been an impulse buy; something Kurama had come across quite by accident in the tiny shop in Chinatown where he shopped for Christmas gifts for his son, his family, and his friends – the few he considered as such in his new homeland, and those he’d left behind in Japan. It had been the eyes of the stuffed toy that had drawn him to it. Tiny jewels of ruby-red, they’d reminded him so much of Hiei that without so much as a thought, he’d purchased the toy.

Ryuushin’s reaction had been much the same. As soon as he’d opened the box, he’d squealed with delight and immediately latched onto the small dragon – all the other toys and gifts scattered across the floor of the small apartment forgotten. Since that time, ‘Hiko’ as he’d named the dragon, was his constant companion; a confidant for the small, raven-haired boy’s secrets and dreams.

Listening now to snatches of his son’s soft conversation with the toy, the fox realized that something was troubling the boy. The whispered, ‘It’ll be all right… you’ll see…’ held uncertainty, almost as though Ryuushin was trying to reassure himself as much as the dragon in his arms. Kurama leaned over, one arm gently encircling his son as he undid the seatbelt and pulled the small figure onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his child. Ryuushin snuggled into the warm embrace, laying his head against his father’s chest; Hiko still clutched tightly against his own.

“Something troubling you, little one?” he asked softly as he held his son.

“No, Papa, not me.” The tiny head shook in negation. “Hiko… he’s worwied, Papa.”

Kurama couldn’t help the small smile that came to his lips at the response but quickly sobered. “I see,” he replied. “And what is it that worries Hiko, Ryuushin?”

Ryuushin bit his lip then looked up. Wide, solemn emerald eyes met the calm jade of his father as he answered. “He’s afwaid, Papa… afwaid that Gwamma won’t like us.” Earnestly he searched his father’s face. “She will, won’t she?!”

Smiling tenderly at his son, Kurama tightened his embrace. “Neither Hiko, or you, have anything to worry about, my little Dragonheart,” he answered. “Not only does Grandma like you; she.. loves… you,” he finished, punctuating each of his words with a light tap of his finger upon his son’s pug nose, causing a huge grin to split the boy’s small face.

“And it’s not just Grandma,” Kurama continued as Ryuushin snuggled deeper into his father’s arms, “but Grandpa and Uncle Shuuichi and Papa’s friends too. Now, does Hiko feel better?”

Ryuushin nodded shyly. “And what about you, little one?” his father continued his questioning. “Are you all right, as well?”

Again, the black head bobbed. “Yes, Papa,” he replied; the voice so quiet it was almost as though he’d not spoken at all; yet Kurama’s keen ears heard his son’s response just the same.

“Then, do you think the two of you can sleep now?” the kitsune asked.

Another almost imperceptible movement of the head was the answer before Ryuushin looked up, green eyes again meeting green. “Will you sing my song, Papa?” the boy asked.

Kurama chuckled softly. “Don’t you think we’d disturb the other passengers with all that caterwauling?” he teased.

Knowing he was being teased, but deciding to play along, Ryuushin stuck his lower lip out, emerald eyes widening as he pouted, “pleeaasse, Papa? You can sing it quietly and no one will be distuwbed.”

Kurama merely smiled and shifted his son so that he could undo his own seatbelt. Raising the armrest between the two seats, he carefully laid Ryuushin down onto the extended seat and lengthened the boy’s belt so that he could fit it around the small body then fastened and tightened it securely around his son.

Ryuushin shifted in the seat until he could lay his head in his father’s lap. Still clutching the small stuffed dragon to his chest, he closed his eyes as Kurama’s fingers threaded through his son’s ebony spikes and began gently stroking through them. Softly he started the lullaby that Shiori had sung to him so long ago and that he now sang to his own child.

//Baby mine don’t you cry
Baby mine dry your eye
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part
Baby of mine…..

…..Little one when you play
Don’t you mind what they say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear baby of mine…..

…..From your heart down to your toes
You’re not much goodness knows
But you’re so precious to me
Cute as can be
Baby of mine…..//

When he finished singing, Kurama bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his son’s forehead, noting with satisfaction that Ryuushin was already sound asleep, Hiko cradled tightly in his arms. Straightening, the half-human fox leaned his crimson head against the seatback once more as he continued to run his fingers through his son’s hair, taking as well as giving comfort from the gesture. His own eyes closed as his thoughts drifted into the past once again…..

**Flashback**

He’d always thought the hardest thing he would ever have to do would be sharing the secret of who and what he really was with the one person who, next to the small fire demon who was his best friend, meant the most to him in all three worlds. And after the Makai Tournament, when he’d made the decision to live his life as a human, Kurama also made the decision to reveal the truth about himself to his mother, and by extension, his human family.

Well, if he was to be totally honest about it, he’d not so much made the decision for himself as had it made for him. For when he finally returned to the Human World, it was Shiori who had confronted him, gently but firmly demanding to know what it was that he’d been hiding from her all these years.

And so, with no small amount of trepidation, for he truly believed that once she knew the truth, she’d hate him forever, Kurama sat down with his mother one beautiful Sunday afternoon and told her the truth. Surprisingly, at least to him, Shiori had taken it remarkably well, sitting quietly and letting him talk until he finished his story.

“But it seems I’ve not done as good a job as you think I have,” she said when he finally came to the end of his tale.

“What do you mean, Mother?” he asked, confused by her comment.

She responded to his question with one of her own. “How could I have taught you about love, Shuuichi, as you say that I have, if you were so afraid that I would hate you once I knew the truth?”

Before he could reply, however, she’d reached out, taking his hands in both of her own. Her dark eyes locked with viridian as she held Kurama’s gaze with her own. “You are my son,” she said firmly, “and nothing in heaven, hell or on earth, or anywhere else, will ever change that. I love you, musuko-chan.”

“And I you, Mother,” he responded, silent tears slipping from forest-green eyes to spill down porcelain cheeks as Shiori reached over and pulled him into her warm embrace.

Of course, that revelation was nothing compared to the one that occurred several weeks later.

Mother and son met, as had become their habit after Kurama’s confession, for lunch on what was, again, a beautiful Sunday afternoon. During the course of the meal, as they spoke of the more mundane goings-on in their respective lives, Shiori playfully chided her son on his seeming lack of a love life.

“Really, Shuuichi dear,” she teased with a sly grin, “I’m not getting any younger. I’d like to see my grandchildren before I die, you know.”

The centuries’ old fox demon had responded by turning a rather interesting shade of red and all but choked on his tea. “Mo…Mother!” Kurama gasped when he could speak clearly again, causing Shiori to giggle.

Reaching across the table, she patted his hand. “I’m sorry, Shuuichi,” she replied, “I couldn’t resist teasing you.” She smiled softly at him. “Though, if there is someone special…” She left the question open; letting him make the decision whether or not he was willing to confide in her.

Kurama looked at his mother for a long time before he sighed. “Actually, Mother,” he said softly, grasping the hand that still lay atop his and lacing their fingers together, “there is. I’m just not sure…” He shook his head, glancing around the half-full restaurant. “This really isn’t the place to have this discussion. Shall we?”

They’d left the restaurant; returning to Kurama’s apartment. The fox brewed tea for them and when they’d settled at the small kitchen table, cups in hand, he began to tell his mother about his burgeoning feelings for a certain three-eyed, vertically challenged, ill-tempered yet handsome, thoroughly lovable (at least from the fox’s perspective, and even Kurama admitted that that perspective was slightly skewed when it came to Hiei) fire demon.

Once again, Shiori proved to be surprisingly accepting. When Kurama voiced his doubts about that acceptance, Shiori smiled and shook her head.

“Honestly, musuko-chan,” she told him, “for someone with your level of intelligence, you can be so stupid at times.”

“I.. I’m sorry… what?!” was his rather intelligent response.

As she’d done in the restaurant, Shiori leaned across the small table, this time taking both the fox’s hands in hers. “All I have ever wanted, Shuuichi,” she said, “is for you to be happy. And if that means loving, and being loved by, another man, or demon as the case may be then so be it.”

Kurama opened his mouth to reply, but whatever words he was about to utter suddenly seemed inadequate. Instead, he squeezed the small hands in his and whispered, “I love you, Mother.”

Yet even confessing his love for another man paled in comparison to the news that he was bringing her now.

‘At least she’ll get her wish,’ the reincarnated youko thought wryly, his hand unconsciously moving to caress his still flat abdomen as he made his way slowly up the walk to the front door of his mother’s house.

**End Flashback**

‘And yet, for the past three years, I denied you even that, didn’t I, Mother?’ Kurama sighed deeply as he opened his eyes. Leaning forward slightly, he gazed with a soft smile at his still sleeping son.

Again he sighed. It had not been an easy decision to make. Yet when everything in the world he knew continued, even after Ryuushin’s birth, to remind him of his absent lover, the new father had made the decision that it would be better to leave that world behind and try to make a new life for himself and his baby.

Even then, once he’d finalized his plans and broke the news to Shiori, she’d understood. How could she not; especially when she saw the heartache he struggled valiantly to hide from everyone? And so she swallowed her own sense of loss and her disappointment at not being able to spoil her grandson as she’d hoped; wished him happiness in his new life; and as always, told him that she loved him.

“Forgive me, Mother,” Kurama whispered to the darkened cabin as he continued to watch his son sleep. “I was selfish in taking Ryuushin away from you, but no longer. Very soon you’ll have the chance to spoil him to your heart’s content.”

And in the darkness, the fox smiled.

__________________________________________________________________________

Writer's Ramble: Many thanks to those who've read and/or reviewed this story. I truly appreciate your comments!

Also, for those of you who aren't family with Kurama's lullaby, it's a song from the Walt Disney classic, Dumbo -- a song I dearly love and felt that Shiori would have sung to her son, and he, in turn, would sing to his child.