~Tried...and True?~

Hey-la, friends! Sorry for the slow update; lately my internet's been about as friendly as a fifty-year-old Fundamentalist at a Sunday afternoon Pride Parade. Yetch.

Read and enjoy!

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Kurama was in the midst of Advanced English homework when Hiei returned. The little red-eyed demon parked himself on the kitsune’s bed, and silently watched as his partner worked. The fox-boy acknowledged him with a smile, a bit too absorbed at the moment for more. The soft, yellow light of a desk lamp lit his half of the room sufficiently, and he had not bothered to turn on the overhead light. The simple lighting made his features look soft, thoughtful; it almost made his green eyes glow, and Hiei was content for a while to just look at him, with no other thoughts or worries in his head to distract him.

Soon enough, however, the doubts crept back in. The longer he looked, the more he felt as though somehow, Kurama was slipping away from him. It was ridiculous, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that made his chest tighten painfully. He had moved before he could think about it, wrapping his arms around the redhead’s shoulders and burying his face against the other’s neck, kissing the fair skin with a sort of desperate gentleness. Look at me, damnit....

“Hiei?” Kurama paused in his reading, surprised by the sudden affection. It was rare for Hiei to initiate, even now when the fire demon was more comfortable with their relationship. The way those warm lips brushed his pulse, found the sensitive place beneath his ear, made his eyes drift shut in pleasure for a moment, but then he voiced a mild protest. “I have to finish this tonight; we’re covering our reading tomorrow morning in class.”

A black-booted foot hooked around the leg of his chair, and yanked it out away from the desk. Without a word, Hiei made himself forcibly at home in Kurama’s lap. The kiss he coaxed from his ember-haired lover was startlingly gentle in comparison, but persistent, and just as difficult to deny. The reincarnated fox demon resigned himself with a sigh, not entirely displeased. I see new sides to him every day, it seems, he thought, his green eyes smiling in his lips’ stead, as they were occupied.

When Kurama responded it was as though something inside of Hiei burst, and he claimed the taller male’s mouth with a passion. Kurama flinched only once at the assault, before returning his enthusiasm with plenty zeal of his own. The fire demon finally wrenched his mouth from his lover’s with a gasp, only taking an instant to breathe before ducking his head and continuing his earlier attack on the other’s neck. It was only kisses at first; then he gave the fair skin a savage nip that made Kurama gasp in something more akin to pain than ardor. Hiei was beyond the ability to care; he was suffering from some kind of insane need, and he grew more frantic with each moment he could not discern what for. He was angry, and upset, and he did not know why. It was driving him mad, and that madness spoke through his body, making him rougher and more demanding than he had ever been before.

Kurama was half undressed before he could even form a coherent objection, but he tried anyway. Something was wrong; he could taste it in the fire youkai’s fierce kisses, feel it in his near-bruising touches, in the way he yanked and pulled at their clothing while the fabric audibly protested the treatment, threatening to tear. Hiei refused to look him in the eyes, but the spirit fox caught glimpses of his expression, and it made his stomach flip in wary anticipation.

Kurama hissed when Hiei bit at his collarbone, and when the hotheaded demon pinched his nipple a great deal harder than he liked it, he made a pained ‘huff’ and for the first time raised a hand to push his lover away. Hiei batted the hand away sharply, and though he swept his tongue over the abused nub, perhaps in apology, his actions remained largely aggressive. Short nails left a fiery sensation in their wake as they raked down Kurama’s abdomen, followed shortly by an equally hot tongue, and the demon fox squirmed in his chair, confused sounds leaving his mouth as his hands found Hiei’s shoulders and gripped them tightly.

The redhead’s jeans zipper soon met the black-haired apparition’s nonexistent mercy, and Kurama felt a surge of almost-panic as the tiny metal piece went flying and Hiei yanked open the front of his pants. Drastically warm hands dragged the pale denim jeans and the undergarment beneath partway off the taller male’s hips, and Kurama cried out loudly as he was engulfed in searing, wet heat. Teeth just barely grazed his desire-swelled flesh, and the kitsune gulped, fear for his more sensitive areas mingling with lust, the combined sensations making him tremble. He gave a strangled groan as his lover’s mouth worked around him, sucking hard in between strokes of the short apparition’s velvety tongue.

Hiei’s jaw started to ache within minutes, but he ignored it. He could hear Kurama’s harsh breathing and feel the hands digging into his shoulders, and he ignored that too. His heart was hammering and the thoughts whirling in his head would not let him be. Don’t....

Kurama spasmed, and came with a breathless shout. Hiei swallowed as best he could, coughing afterward from the way the fox’s unexpected jerk had shoved his sex practically against the back of the fire demon’s throat. He cleaned the escaped trail of white from his chin with an angry swipe of the back of his hand, and without waiting for Kurama to catch his breath, pulled him down for a kiss.

Kurama drew in several much-needed breaths once he was let go, feeling like a half-drowned animal, minus the water. “H-Hiei,” he wheezed, “what’s gotten into you?”

He stood on shaky legs, intending to put his clothing back in some semblance of order, but he never got the chance. Like lightning Hiei was on him again, thrusting both hands into his vermillion hair and overpowering him with another kiss, this one just as desperate and domineering as the last. He did not realize he was being backed up until he hit the edge of his bed and tripped, falling backwards onto it with a startled “umph!” He looked up into crimson eyes, filled to the brim with strange emotions even the thousand-plus-year-old[2] youko could not identify. There was a wildness to that look, and underneath it, a sort of pain. It was the wildness that shook Kurama, however, and made that thrill of panic well up in him again. “Hiei?”

The spiky-haired youkai leaned down and kissed his partner, gentle again, searching. Searching for something he did not know how to find, or how to ask for. Don’t leave....

He ran his hands down the kitsune’s slender frame, coaxing the warmth of desire back into him. His touch was both plea and demand, and Kurama responded to it practically against his will.

There was something happening that the fox demon did not understand, and it was beginning to seriously frighten him. Hiei was not the most talkative soul, but he had said not a word since this had started. He could be ruthless in battle, but he had never been anything but considerate in the bedroom, at least once he had gotten the hang of what felt good and what didn’t. And he was being so forceful; Kurama was not used to being pushed down, dominated the way the Koorime-boy was doing now. He liked it when Hiei showed initiative, even occasionally found his lover’s aggressive streak enticing (it made sex all the more delightful to have to “fight” for the control he knew they both wanted him to have), but this was different. He couldn’t get a touch in edgewise, let alone take back the lead. If things kept going the way they were—

He twitched violently away from the first insistent touch to his entrance, a shocked sound springing from his throat. Surely not!

Hiei’s weight was deceptively solid for his compact build, and he easily pinned Kurama in place when the spirit fox tried to wriggle out from under him. It occurred to him as he watched the redhead struggle that he was stronger, and the knowledge gave him a very odd little thrill, at the same time it made the anger and hurt boiling inside him swell even further. Kurama’s human body was so frail compared to his demon one. Easy to break, and easy to destroy. Don’t leave me....

Kurama writhed as the intimate touch returned, as slick as Hiei’s saliva could make it, and pressed stubbornly in just a bit. His eyes were huge and luminous with fear, and his pulse was going insane; he could feel it hammering away like a brass band on fast-forward. He was too tense; it stung, and he gasped a protest. “Hiei, stop!”

The shorter demon silenced him with another of those domineering kisses, and though Kurama continued to try to squirm away, Hiei wasn’t having it. The redhead’s objection had made him hesitate for just an instant, but indecision warred with need, and need was, for the moment, stronger. The Koorime half-breed pressed further in with that first finger, making Kurama arch in alarm and pain. The fox-boy pushed at his shoulder, but he ignored the physical denial, and pinned the taller male’s hand to the bed. Hiei found himself blinking hard, trying to rid his eyes of the burning sensation building behind them. He stubbornly blocked out the muffled protests, unable to handle them when his mind was already filled to bursting with raging thought. Don’t leave me alone!

Suddenly, he jerked away with a hoarse cry, and his hand flew to his mouth; Kurama had bitten him. He stared at the kitsune in shock, and Kurama gaped back, as aghast at his actions as his lover. Hiei lifted his hand shakily from his lip to look at it; it came away red.

“Hiei....” Kurama murmured, his voice quivering a little, “I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just....”

I frightened him, Hiei realized in a dazed fashion. To be honest, he was beginning to frighten himself too.

A hand touched his arm, and he slapped it away before he could think clearly. Confused, hurt green eyes met his own wild, crimson ones, and he made a choked sound. Everything was wrong, and it was his fault. Guilt was something Hiei was only used to feeling in relation to Yukina. To feel it now, in this context, was almost more than he could bear.

Like the coward he suddenly felt himself to be, he turned to run, ready to leave his cloak, his shirt, even his sword lying haphazardly on Kurama’s floor, if only he could leave the shame and horror of his actions behind too. He hated himself so deeply at that moment it was like he was drowning in it.

“No!”

A hand caught the ankle of his boot at the last second, and Hiei’s face was quite suddenly acquainted with the floor. The self-loathing flew out of him for a moment, and he yanked his nose out of the carpet to glare over his shoulder. “What the HELL, Kurama!”

The demon fox glared back. “I could ask you the same question. You can’t behave like you’re possessed and then just run away from me afterward. I want you to tell me what got into you to make you act that way!”

The guilt oozed back in, and Hiei looked away. He was trembling, and he hated that almost as much as he hated himself right then.

Kurama’s expression softened as he noted the tremors running through his diminutive lover’s frame. “Hiei, tell me. What’s going on?”

“I just—just wanted—” He cut himself off, teeth clenching as he fought back the pain churning inside him. What had he wanted? To matter more than Kurama’s human life? For time to stop, just for them? Stupid, weak, impossible wishes. Kurama wasn’t solely his to keep, and he had been selfish to try, even for only a moment. He was a first-class fool.

Kurama slid off the bed and over to him. He resisted the arms that drew him close, but only a little. The kitsune-boy sighed.

“This is my fault too,” he muttered, stroking Hiei’s spiky black mane.

The fire demon glanced up at him, perplexed. “Why?” he scoffed bitterly. “You weren’t the one acting like you’d lost your mind.”

“It is partly my fault,” Kurama replied, “for not talking to you sooner. I think I might have some idea of what brought this on. You’re worried about something, aren’t you? Something to do with the future?”

Hiei nodded hesitantly. On the one hand, Kurama’s intuition was irritating. On the other, he was relieved to no longer have the task of opening this much-needed conversation.

“I thought as much,” the spirit fox said quietly. “Hiei, you know I would never leave you, don’t you?”

“I know,” the smaller demon mumbled.

“Then what is it? I realize the future is an uncertain thing, perhaps especially for people like us, but if you believe I won’t abandon you then what has this been about?”

“I know you wouldn’t abandon me intentionally,” Hiei said, his voice barely audible. “But what if you couldn’t help it?”

Confused, Kurama cupped his lover’s face in his hands, gently forcing their eyes to meet. “What do you mean?”

Unable to face his reflection in the redhead’s eyes, Hiei closed his own tightly. “It’s this fragile human existence of yours.” He shuddered. “Am I supposed to sit by and watch it expire? No one can say what will happen then, and I—” This was so stupid. What the hell was wrong with him that he could be this pathetic!? Don’t leave me....

“Hiei…you’re afraid I’ll die?” Kurama gazed at his fiery beloved in astonishment. “That’s what this is about? My death?” It was unheard of for Hiei to fear death, his or anyone else’s. The fire demon had seen death in all its forms, even the death of one of their own, and had come away from it unbroken. Why was he afraid of it now? “I’m not going to die; that’s ridiculous. I remember a time you had faith in my strength. Is that faith gone now?”

“I know you’re an excellent fighter, and I know you’re too smart to let yourself be killed,” Hiei barked, dark-red eyes flashing at him. “I’m talking about your natural human lifespan! You can’t control that completely, and if you wait too long, you may never be able to return to the way you once were! If you stay here, and live as a human, you could die like one too! I won’t stay and watch that happen, Kurama; I can’t!”

He shoved his way out of the fox’s embrace, and staggered to his feet. His expression was terrible, a mix of anger and anguish both. “But if I leave now, and this is all the time we have, I’ll loathe myself for it all the more when you’re gone! Do you understand what I’m telling you!? I can’t stay and I can’t go, and it’s driving me out of my damned mind!”

He was shouting, and the other humans in their nearby dorm rooms were probably wondering, and he didn’t, couldn’t, refused to give a damn. He had to say these things, scream them if necessary, or they would continue to press against his insides until he exploded into madness instead of just leaking it here and there. Insanity was what had driven him to hurt his lover before, and it would destroy him if he ended up acting that way again. If shouting the things roiling in his heart would get them out in the air where they couldn’t do any real damage, then that was what he would do.

Kurama stood and reached out to him, only to snatch his hand away immediately at the scalding temperature of Hiei’s skin. The shorter demon’s youki had been rising with his anguish, and he was now far too hot to touch. The spirit fox could only look on in concern, and he knew it was not enough. He was struck dumb by the sheer ferocity of his beloved’s emotions, and by the uneasy feeling that perhaps Hiei had a point. For a long time now, he had wondered—and worried—about how to balance his life in the Ningenkai with Hiei’s life in the Makai. They could not each live in their own worlds, visiting each other on a whim. Things would get complicated very quickly, and their relationship would undoubtedly suffer. And now Hiei raised another valid concern: if Kurama could not successfully return to his demon body at the end of Suuichi Minamino’s lifespan, he would die, and this would indeed have been all the time they had. The fact that he was confident he could make the transition was not the issue, at least not to his mate.

Hiei’s eyes widened when Kurama pulled away, and he realized with a sickening jolt that he was behaving in the exact fashion his people had once predicted he would. The Koorime had feared him and forsaken him because they had believed he would grow up violent, and ruled by his darker passions; what else was he doing now but proving those judgmental witches right? He grimaced, despising himself all over again. He was letting his rage and sorrow control him, and he was driving a wedge between himself and the person he cared for. Control, damnit; I’m not a child, I’m a warrior, and I can do better than this!

With an effort, he reigned in his youki. The air ceased to shimmer around him with heat, and gradually his skin cooled to a touchable warmth. A breath in, a breath out; let the anger go. This was not an enemy in front of him to unleash his wrath upon, this was Kurama, and now that he had said what was bothering him, maybe they could talk about it like half-sensible beings.

“I’m…sorry,” he managed, the words strange on his tongue. He wasn’t used to apologizing. He wasn’t used to controlling his temper, either, but hell, he was learning something new every day.

Kurama shook his head slightly. “No, it’s all right. We should have talked about this long before the need became so dire.” He smiled awkwardly. “I suppose we both became too comfortable with how things were going. We forgot to work out a few details.”

He sighed and proceeded to put his clothing back in order. Hiei lingered at the other end of the room until he was done, letting the little distance between them calm him fully. He still felt foolish, and he was still a bit unsettled, but it was no where near the intense firestorm of emotion that had been coursing through him before.

“Well,” Kurama said, sitting on the edge of his bed, and motioning for Hiei to do the same, “at least now all of that is out in the open. Though, I wish you’d said something earlier.”

“Hn.”

The kitsune let out a soft, mirthless laugh. “Indeed. Don’t worry, Hiei, you’re not the only one who completely embarrassed himself tonight. I reacted…poorly.”

“At least you didn’t savagely attack me like I did to you. Well, no, come to think of it,” Hiei arched a black eyebrow cynically, “you did. Biting is bad form, Kurama.”

The fox-boy recognized the sarcasm as the fire demon’s way of recovering his dignity, so he let it go. “I suppose we should figure out what to do now. Am I correct in assuming you are unhappy with the idea of living here with me in the human world?”

Deep-red eyes flicked away from his for a moment. “This world isn’t my home. I’ve stayed this long because of you, not because I enjoy it here.”

“Surely it can’t be all that terrible. There are a few things you like about the Ningenkai, aren’t there?”

“Tch. Frozen treats and Genkai’s enormous pine trees aren’t enough to stave off my restlessness. I can find trees to sleep in anywhere, and I would soon get over the loss of the ice cream.”[3] Hiei jabbed Kurama lightly in the chest with his finger. “You, fox, are the only reason I tolerate this insipid, ningen-infested mudball.”

“You must be feeling better if you’re slandering the Ningenkai so eloquently,” the redhead gathered.

“It’s not hard.”

“I see.” Kurama frowned, his gaze turning thoughtful. “I do love my life here, and I know you’ve been trying to respect that. I appreciate it. I can’t help but wonder, however, if I haven’t been very considerate of your wishes as well. I don’t want to hold you to a place you hate, Hiei. What can I do to reach a compromise with you?”

“I don’t know,” the Koorime-boy replied dimly. “I could try to make the journey back and forth each time my desire for home overwhelmed me. It might work for a time. Maybe I’m over thinking all of this. I just don’t know how long we have, and it’s disturbing.”

“I’m confident I can return to my demon form someday,” Kurama told him. “When I can no longer be Suuichi, I’ll be free to be Youko again. But I can’t resume that life yet.” He laid a hand on the smaller apparition’s tense shoulder. “I won’t leave you, Hiei. And that means you’re free too, to come and go as you must. Can you trust me?”

Hiei stared at him, conflicted. He wanted to trust. He wanted to believe Kurama could do what he said. There were too many variables, things that could go wrong at the end, but surely if he said he wouldn’t leave, he wouldn’t. Hiei had not been made to trust people, but he had given himself to Kurama completely; shouldn’t that mean he had given his trust too?

“Yes,” he said finally, quietly, “I can.”

Kurama smiled, relieved that they had taken, at the least, the first step. The smile warped into a yawn, and he covered his mouth with a hand. “It’s gotten late, hasn’t it?” he noted, glancing at a small clock on his desk.

“Yes,” Hiei conceded, looking over at it as well. “Time seems to fly when you’re screaming at your mate.”

Somehow, the kitsune coaxed him to curl up with him in bed, and though the doubts lingered, he closed his eyes and tried to forget them. Before they both drifted off, however, one last question floated to the top of his mind, and he felt the need to speak it. “Kurama?”

“Yes?” his lover murmured sleepily.

“Before, when I had you pinned down…why were you so afraid? I realize I’ve never had you that way before, but the pain isn’t much when I let you take me.”

Kurama was silent for a long moment before answering. “You weren’t yourself at the time. I doubt either of us would have enjoyed it.”

Unsatisfied with this answer, but too tired to press, Hiei snorted softly and let sleep claim him. If Kurama kept his word, there would be plenty of time to ask him again later.

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[2]There seems to be a fandom-wide conflict about exactly how old Kurama is. The English dub of the show says he's about 300, the Japanese sub claims around 400, I believe, and the manga...I can't even remember right now, but I think it was somewhere around a thousand. Some people have even theorized that our favorite fox boy is up to two thousand years old, which considering the long-lived nature of white, silver, or gold colored kitsune in Japanese legend, isn't too farfetched. I can't state for 100% certain here how old Kurama is, so I'm ball-parking it according to Kurama's fox-form, which being silver, indicates he is indeed very, very old.

[3]Just a little joke, guys. There's this common theory going around the YYH fanworld that Hiei has a deep, secret love of ice cream. It's baseless and retarded, but I find it funny. Therefore, it's in the fic.

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Well, kids, that's it for chapter two. I sincerely hope the long wait was worth it, and I hope to hear your opinions soon. The next chapter is already being written, btw, but I'm not liking it so far, so I'm probably gonna be tweaking it for a while. In the meantime, for your entertainment, I present this:

The "Once Burned" and "Tried...and True?" Fic-Art challenge! Here are the rules:
[1]Select a scene from either of my two KuramaxHiei fanfics, and crank out some art.

[2]Scan and upload the piece to either Deviant Art or Photobucket (both are free accounts, so no worries there).

[3]Post the link to your finished masterpiece in the "Review" section for this fic, and I will pop over and check it out.

THIS IS A CONTEST FOR PRIZES! If all goes well, there should be a winner each month, and that person will receive their choice of a)A sketch by me of their favorite Yu Yu Hakusho character, or b)A short, one-shot fic of their favorite pairing. Unless otherwise indicated, the short-fics will be sent to the winners' email accounts, and the sketches will be scanned and sent by the same route. If you win and you would like me to post the fic or art here or at Deviant Art respectively, please just send me an email at Tourastripe10@hotmail.com, and I'll do it.

That said, please remember to review! It boosts my writing capacity along with my self-esteem. XD