Yoko's "Protection," Suichi's Suffering...

Yoko lay there for a long time, long after Suichi fell asleep, his hands running absently through the boy’s crimson locks. Kuronue’s smile was one torn between joy and sorrow; joy from seeing that same peaceful, contented glaze over Yoko’s eyes that the bat used to see all the time as the fox watched his sleeping beauty, sorrow because Kuronue knew Yoko’s happiness would only last until Suichi awoke. The bat had long given up any hope that Yoko would ever return his love for him, but that didn’t change the fact that all Kuronue cared about was his fox’s happiness.

So although he was loath to shatter Yoko’s momentary peace, Kuronue approached quietly. Yoko barely glanced up as the bat sat down. “Yoko, who is it you love?”

Yoko looked at him in bewilderment. “Suichi,” he whispered, clearly puzzled.

“Do you?” Kuronue asked. “Or are you merely in love with the memory of Suichi…what he once was and isn’t now? Is this boy—the one right here, right now, in your arms—the one you were thinking of just now, or were you just remembering how things used to be?”

Kuronue felt like the world’s biggest traitor as he watched the guilt settle in Yoko’s expression, a hint of tears glinting in the corner of the fox’s eye. Yoko said nothing, but he didn’t have to.

“You need to let go of him, Yoko. Let Suichi go.” Kuronue paused, seeing the anger rising in Yoko’s face, and started over. “No, I mean, let go of the old Suichi, because let’s face it, we both know he may never come back. The boy in your arms needs you to focus on him, even if he doesn’t know it. He needs you to help him get his memory back, remember how much he loves you and how much you love him, and only then will there be any hope that Suichi will lose his fears. Clinging to your memories, to a phantom Suichi, is only hurting both of you even more.” Not to mention how much seeing you slowly descend into madness is breaking my own heart…I can gladly let Suichi have you; that stopped hurting a long time ago, but the thought of losing you to insanity is way more than my heart can take…

“You make it sound so easy…” Yoko whispered. “How can I possibly let go of the person I care most about!?”

“Yoko, he’s dead. It’s time to move on,” Kuronue said flatly, beginning to get a little impatient with Yoko’s melodramatics. “The Suichi in your arms right now is the one you need to focus on, because he needs your help and your love and support to recover. Stop being pigheaded and focus on what’s important!”

Yoko closed his eyes. “Once more I know you’re right, Kuronue. But…how? How can I let go!?”

Kuronue shook his head. “That’s something you have to figure out on your own, Yoko.” My fox…ending your suffering is all truly care about. I want to see you smile again, see you feel comfortable and relaxed enough to drop your guard with him, laugh, tease him, the way you used to. Those were some of the best days of my life, just seeing you so carefree and so wildly happy… Kuronue looked at the redhead in question, and he stiffened. He could not see Suichi’s face, but the glimmer of the moonlight on the boy’s tears was clear. Yoko tensed a moment later as those tears leaked onto his bare chest.

“Suichi…are you—are you awake?” Suichi looked up when Yoko spoke, and flushed crimson. Yoko sighed. “How—how much of that did you hear?”

“I-I woke up while Kuronue was telling you to let go of-of who I used to be,” Suichi whispered.

The fox deflated a little and threw a wry glance at Kuronue. “So much for not revealing my weaknesses around Suichi…” he muttered.

“No…” Kuronue said thoughtfully. I get the feeling that Sucihi’s attitude towards Yoko changed drastically once he realized how much the fox would sacrifice for him…I think he wants to regain his memories and break away from Karasu’s lessons, he wants to trust Yoko and he wants to help… The fact that he overheard our exchange… “Yoko, I’m glad he was eavesdropping. The more Suichi knows just how much you really want to help the better,” he said out loud. Kuronue met Suichi’s eyes. “Do you remember anything about your time with Yoko, before Karasu got to you?”

Suichi nodded. “A little…I remember waking up terrified half out of my wits because I was bound and gagged and blindfolded, and there was someone touching me…and I remember Master tying me down to the bed and left there for my mother to find me the next morning…and then—and then I remember being f-forced into a chastity belt with a vibrator inside me and having to wait all day for it to be taken off…and then there were vines that—“

“So you basically remember everything bad he ever did to you?” Kuronue interjected.

Suichi nodded, and Yoko whimpered. “B-But some of that you wanted! Don’t you remember what you were thinking or feeling or—“ he sighed as Suichi shook his head.

“At least it’s something to work from,” Kuronue growled. He looked at Yoko. “There’s not much we can do but wait for him to remember on his own, and maybe try to trigger his memory somehow, but other than that…”

“I’m s-sorry…” Suichi whispered. “I wish…”

Yoko kissed the boy’s forehead, wincing a little as he moved. “Suichi, don’t be apologetic when you’re doing the best you can. I can’t and won’t ask anything more than that.”

Suichi looked frustrated, and Kuronue felt a little hopeful all of a sudden. It was the first expression besides those of fear and the drive to please they’d seen from him yet. “I want to help, I really do! I just—I can’t—“

“Maybe now’s not the best time, love. We’ve had a long and stressful day; let’s try and sleep and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning,” Yoko said softly.

Suichi sighed. “Yes, Master,” he murmured.

Kuronue and Yoko waited as the boy drifted back off to sleep. This time, Kuronue made sure he was asleep before saying, “You alright, fox?”

Yoko smiled at him and nodded, and, to Kuronue’s shock and joy, lay his head on the bat’s leg. “Thank you so much, Kuronue,” he whispered. “You’ve been so understanding and patient with both of us, reading Suichi with logic that I can’t muster right now. I don’t think—I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from going insane if you weren’t here to knock sense back into me, even though it must be so hard…”

It was the first time they’d ever addressed Kuronue’s feelings and the silence was slightly awkward for the first time in their long friendship. Kuronue hesitantly lay his hand on Yoko’s head, pleasantly surprised when the fox didn’t flinch away. “Yoko, what’s hard is seeing you suffering so much, not your love for Suichi,” he said quietly. “I came to terms with that ages ago, once I realized just how madly in love with him you are. Even if I were given the opportunity to take Suichi’s place in your heart I wouldn’t do it, Yoko.”

Yoko suddenly started laughing and had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from waking Suichi. He shook with mirth for a while, so long that Kuronue feared he was slipping again, but when the fox opened his eyes Kuronue saw that something he’d said had made Yoko feel much better about something. “You are such an idiot, Kuronue!” Yoko rasped, trying to keep his voice down. “Anyone else in either world who was in your position—myself included—would use the fact that I’m seemingly not in love with this Suichi to get me to fall in love with them, but you—“ he bit back another fit of giggles. “—you sit here trying to help me fall back in love with Suichi!” Kuronue flushed a little, but bit back his indignation as the fox’s eyes changed from merriment to gratitude. “Seriously, though. Thank you.”

Kuronue was immensely relieved that Yoko felt good enough to tease him again and he smiled back at the fox. “I gave up caring about how I feel about you the moment you came through that door with Suichi in your arms, Yoko. I couldn’t take advantage of you like that…” he trailed off in alarm as Suichi began to whimper and squirm in Yoko’s arms.

“Suichi—Suichi, calm down, it’s alright, wake up, Suichi—ahn!” Kuronue blinked as Yoko’s back arched and tears of pain leapt into his eyes.

“Yoko, what—“

“He accidentally kicked me in the thigh…the injured one,” Yoko said through gritted teeth, still trying to wake Suichi from what was clearly a violent nightmare. “Come on, love, wake up…shh, it’s all ok…” Kuronue pulled back the blanket and swore as he caught the dark stain creeping along the makeshift bandage. Yoko had started bleeding again. Better wait for Suichi to stop thrashing before I try and change the bandages…

Slowly, Suichi quieted, his screams fading into sobs that wracked Suichi’s slender body. It was impossible to know when the boy actually awoke again because the tears didn’t stop when the dream did. Kuronue changed Yoko’s sodden bandages quickly.

“Suichi….it was just a dream, Suichi. Karasu can’t hurt you any more, I promise…you’re safe, relax…you’re okay…”

“Why c-can’t he l-leave me alone!?” Suichi hiccupped. “Even though he’s d-dead he still—can’t he just go away!?”

“I know, love,” Yoko soothed. “Sleep, now, Suichi. Relax, I’ve got you…” Suichi closed his eyes for the third time with a small sigh and gradually drifted back to sleep.