Insomnia

Chapter One

It was terrifying, the way Yusuke could only sit and watch as his worst fears unfolded before him. He didn’t speak when the doctor told him that his mother’s liver was too far gone and would need a transplant. Didn’t speak when the doctor told him that there was no chance she would get a new liver considering her alcoholism. He didn’t move when the doctor told him that her only chance was for him to donate a piece of his liver to his mother. He remained silent when Koenma told him that he would not be able to donate to a human as his demonic blood would likely kill her faster than her failing liver.

He wouldn’t cry at her wake, sitting in the same position on the floor, albeit in a new apartment, his mother had sat when his wake had taken place. He was barely breathing when friends came to pay respects. It was only a few of the weirdos his mother knew from the bar, Keiko and her family, and Kuwabara that came.

He barely heard the words of sympathy, “I’m sorry for your loss” and “let me know if there is anything I can do,” were tossed at him as delicately as feathers in the wind, each as meaningless as the last. Only that night, when Kurama came to see him while he lay in bed, unmoving, did the tears come. And only because Kurama told him the truth.

“You blame yourself for this,” he’d said.

Yusuke merely nodded.

“It is not your fault.”

And as if that were the thing he feared most; being so easily read by someone he, truthfully, barely knew, he finally shed tears. After waking in a cold sweat.

Yusuke had to take almost fifteen minutes to stop shaking with fear, another ten for the tears to finally stop. He was terrified. This should have been far more concerning considering how rarely Yusuke was ever afraid. Unfortunately, Yusuke was so struck by how real the whole dream felt. Every detail was in place, he even felt the empty touches the “mourners” had left on his shoulders. The smells, the sounds, the sensations and emotions were all on par with reality. Yusuke was afraid he was remembering something so he forced himself to get out of bed, throw on a pair of jeans and a wrinkled and probably filthy t-shirt, and sprint the fourteen miles to his mom’s apartment at the crack of dawn to make sure she was still breathing, her heart still beating and the liquor bottles still absent.

Yusuke knew she’d stopped drinking years ago sometime while he was in Makai. She’d seriously cut back after his first resurrection and now she was attempting to be on the straight and narrow. She had regular check-ups, which she had to be sedated for lest she punch a doctor in the face due to her extreme dislike and mistrust of doctors. Her last liver-function tests had been fine. All blood work had come back normal and free of illness. Atsuko Urameshi was the picture of perfect health.

The feeling in Yusuke’s gut that something was seriously not right about that dream was dismissed easily as either stress or repressed anger toward his mother or something. He took a brisk walk through town and found himself wandering around in a park sometime around eight am.

The air was cool, crisp, and clean smelling. The previous night’s thunderstorm had cleared some of the pollution out of the air and the area Yusuke was walking in was heavily wooded so the air was unusually clear. Something nagged Yusuke about how beautiful the day was in contrast to the feeling of dread and unease in the pit of his stomach, but tried to let go of it and distracted himself with the sight of the apple trees blossoming. He started to think about how Kurama would love this park when Hiei unexpectedly fell from a tree, looking half-dead. He was physically unharmed, but clearly was in ill health.

“Whoa, Hiei,” Yusuke said.

Hiei sat up and rubbed his head. “Damn, I’m sure I was almost asleep…” he muttered, seeming not to notice Yusuke.

“Two questions,” Yusuke said, ignoring the obvious surprise in Hiei’s features at the sound of Yusuke’s voice. “One, what the hell are you doing here? And two, why are you only just now going to sleep? The sun is up; it’s usually easier to sleep at night.”

“Shut up, Detective,” Hiei said in lieu of an actual answer to either of his questions.

“Yikes, not a morning person, are you?”

“You’re one to talk,” said Hiei.

“What?” Yusuke asked, baffled.

“Your aura is gray, you idiot.”

Yusuke looked down at himself as if that would allow him to see the color of his own aura. He’d been unable to see any kind of aura, his spiritual awareness favored different sensory ways of experiencing the energy field around people. It was usually the physical sensation of touch along with a scent and/or taste, depending on the person or object in question. Hiei’s was oddly sharp today. He felt like smooth fire-hardened wood and smelled of burning cedar, his aura did not have a flavor. Although, the smell was reduced to something more smoky and less distinct, the touch of Hiei’s aura was clear. Yusuke couldn’t begin to fathom what it meant. It reminded him of how in his dream, he could smell Kurama’s rose-scented aura, feel the gentle furry texture of it and taste the sweet champagne flavor of him when he’d appeared in his dream. It was uncomfortable the way Kurama’s aura always gave him a “warm fuzzy feeling” whenever he focused on it and tried to remember whether in the brief time Kuwabara had been in the dream had he felt the sparkly electric current of Kuwabara’s aura, the tangy citrus taste and the musky manly scent of it. He couldn’t be sure.

Hiei snapped him out of his thoughts by clearing his throat.

“Yeah?” said Yusuke.

“Do you always stare blankly at people or is this a new habit you’ve picked up?” Hiei snapped.

“Oh… just wondering if you’re going to answer either of my questions.”

Hiei gave Yusuke a long-suffering look. “Makai was beginning to bore me, as for why I’m attempting to sleep now instead of at night, you dolt, I’ve been trying to sleep since two nights ago. Something keeps waking me. I can only assume that it was your lumbering presence this time.”

“Lumbering?” Yusuke said. “You make me sound like I’m clumsy or something.”

“I suppose compared to your idiot friend, you’re almost a gymnast.”

Yusuke raised an eyebrow at Hiei. “It’s not like you to bring up Kuwabara. Thought you hated him too much to even want to mention him in passing.”

Hiei didn’t respond, he merely gave Yusuke an unreadable look.

“You’d probably sleep better if you weren’t in a tree.”

“You’re trying to distract me from my earlier statement: your aura is gray.”

“So? Maybe I like gray. Maybe I’m trying something new.”

Hiei gave Yusuke a look that stated quite plainly that Hiei always knew Yusuke was a dumb as he thought. “You can’t change the color of your aura, you idiot. You can hide it, you can make it less bright but your aura is ALWAYS blue. I’ve never seen it this shade before. I’ll be irritated if you’re dying and no one bothered to tell me.”

“You must be tired, man. You actually sound worried about me.”

“Hn.”

“You’re way more talkative than usual.”

“I haven’t slept in three days,” Hiei said. Yusuke had understood the implication quite well when Hiei’d said earlier that he’d been trying to sleep for two nights now. The fact that Hiei felt the need to reiterate the fact bugged Yusuke. Yet again, he ignored the nagging feeling that there was something seriously wrong with this picture.

“I’d expect insomnia to make you crankier, not more talky.”

Hiei growled. “If you find this amusing-“

“I don’t.”

Hiei sighed. “Do you know where Kurama lives?”

Yusuke started at the sudden mention of Kurama. “Yeah, don’t you?”

“He keeps moving around, I can never keep track of which horrible Human dwelling he lives in.”

“His parents keep telling him that he doesn’t have a big enough house. He’s been inching up by square meters trying to make them shut up but they keep bitching that his house isn’t expensive enough.”

Hiei grunted.

“Do you need me to tell you the address?”

Hiei glared at him. It took Yusuke a minute to realize that, smart as Hiei was, there was no chance he’d be able to read a human map. If Yusuke didn’t know any better, he’d think Hiei was illiterate. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice but Kuwabara had assured he’d seen Hiei read at least once.

“I’ll walk you there, it’s kind of hard to find.” Yusuke was being more generous than usual because he knew what it felt like not to understand something, with him it was Math and Science. And, admittedly, just about every other school subject. Language arts had been easy enough to bullshit his way through and it wasn’t long before he realized he was actually kind of above average at it.

Hiei and Yusuke walked together in uncomfortable silence toward Kurama’s house. Yusuke felt that he should ask his companion some questions or at least try to fill him in on a few of the things he’d missed in his absence, but he couldn’t think of anything. When they reached Kurama’s newest house, which was quite large and had a freaking marble statue in front of it (clearly, Kurama’s parents wouldn’t be deterred) Kurama greeted them at the door, seeming slightly surprised to see them, but otherwise the same as usual.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” he said.

“You should have felt us a mile off,” Hiei said, shutting the door behind him and yawning as he peeled his boots off his feet.

Yusuke looked down and remembered that he’d left the house at four am without shoes to begin with and awkwardly wiped his feet on the welcome mat until Kurama handed him a pair of socks. “It’s not like you to be so underdressed,” Kurama said, pointing out Yusuke’s lack of footwear and the stained wife-beater he was wearing instead of an actual shirt. It was also quite chilly outside and while Yusuke didn’t really need to wear a coat, he did out of respect for how odd it would look if he didn’t. He didn’t go out of his way to look normal, he just tried to remember to dress the same way he always had.

“Yusuke, it’s below freezing,” said Kurama. “You ought to be wearing a jacket. Even you would be effected by sub-zero temperatures.”

“I left the house in a hurry,” Yusuke supplied weakly.

“So much so that you didn’t even bother to put on underwear?”

Yusuke glared at Kurama. “Not funny, fox-boy.”

Kurama shrugged. “It’s rather noticeable, Yusuke. Not that I was checking.” Kurama smirked.

Yusuke turned away to hide the barely-there pink tint to his cheeks.

Hiei was already lounging on Kurama’s black leather couch, clearly exhausted. Kurama walked over to him, concern playing across his face. “Don’t bother, Kurama,” he said. “I’ve tried everything.”

“This has been a terribly long time to go without sleep, Hiei. Are you certain that every avenue has been exhausted?”

“I downed an entire bottle of whisky, hoping to pass out. Nothing.”

Kurama rocked back on his heels.

“What’s going on?” Yusuke asked. “Did you know about Hiei not sleeping and being in Human World?”

“He came to me a week ago asking for my strongest sleep aid. I gave him a weaker one, convinced that he was only having a bit of insomnia. How strong was this whisky?” Kurama asked, directing the question at Hiei.

“The smell of it burned my nose. I’m fairly certain it was around 120 proof.”

Kurama nodded. “How many ounces?”

“At least 40.”

“Hiei, you drank a 40 ounce bottle of 60% alcohol and didn’t even get tired?” Yusuke asked.

“No, I’m tired, I just can’t sleep.”

“That’s a different matter entirely,” said Kurama. “What does your mind do when you lie down to go to sleep?”

“Behaves as if I’m not tired. Nothing different than if I were wide awake.”

“No disturbing thoughts?”

Hiei shifted so slightly that Kurama was only barely able to notice. “Puzzling,” Kurama said, as though Hiei had just told him a great mystery although he’d said nothing.

“Why do you say that?” Yusuke asked.

“I’m assuming that Hiei is having night-terrors. He won’t tell me out-right, probably due to embarrassment over not understanding.” Kurama ignored Hiei’s threatening growl. “It’s just strange because I’ve been having nightmares myself.”

“But Hiei said he’s not sleeping,” said Yusuke.

“He’s not. A night terror differs from a nightmare in that the person is conscious during the event but usually has no memory of it.”

“You’ve been having nightmares too?”

“No, Yusuke. I’ve just told you that Hiei isn’t having nightmares.”

“I mean… I keep having nightmares. Last night I… but they’re different, I have them almost every night but last night was the worst.”

“What was it about?”

“Um…” Yusuke bit his lip. He wouldn’t have a problem with spilling his guts to Kurama under usual circumstances if he thought it would help but the thought of telling Kurama about a nightmare involving the death of his mother felt awkward. Especially since the part that really terrified him had been the part about Kurama. Mostly, because of the events surrounding their meeting. Yusuke was worried that there was something creepy and symbolic going on and he’d rather not delve into it.

The fact that Hiei was in the room didn’t help much.

“Yusuke, the contents of your dream may be of some importance,” Kurama prompted gently.

Yusuke frowned, that was the last thing he wanted Kurama to say. “Well…” Yusuke started, taking a deep breath. “It was about my mom drinking herself to death. Her liver failed and Koenma wouldn’t let me donate part of mine to her because I’m a demon. I couldn’t talk or move or do anything during the dream. Then, at her wake, I was… I don’t know…”

Kurama nodded. “Koenma was in your dream? Was anyone else in there that you recognized?”

“Well, Kuwabara, Keiko and her family, um… you… some of the weirdos she hung out with during her drinking days, some guy she used to work with…”

“What was my role in the dream?”

Yusuke frowned, he’d been hoping he’d snuck that in there without causing alarm, but knew he was a terrible liar. Plus, Kurama was notorious for being able to smell deceit.

“You told me it wasn’t my fault.”

“Quite right…” Kurama muttered. He looked over at Hiei who looked awake but far from on the same plane of reality.

“What about you?” Yusuke asked suddenly.

Kurama looked up. “Hm?” he said, slightly startled.

“Your nightmares, what are they about?”

“Well, I’m fairly capable of interpreting them myself. They seem to have similar undertones as yours, though.”

“Huh?”

“Things I fear most.”

“I don’t follow…”

“You fear losing those you love, the inability to be useful, harming people you love and your emotions being seen by someone to whom you are unwilling to reveal them. The last, I could only conclude because you were too distracted to wash the tear-stains off your face.”

Yusuke’s hand went up to his face and a shocked look marred his features.

“Don’t worry, Yusuke. I’m well aware that you are unwilling to share your emotions with me. In fact, you are most guarded around me above all your other friends. That’s why I was the one who saw you vulnerable in your dream.”

Yusuke glanced worriedly at Hiei.

“He’s not really with us. He’s having a waking nightmare.”

“Shouldn’t we… nudge him or something to snap him out of it?” Yusuke didn’t like the creepily blank look in Hiei’s eyes nor the way his hand kept twitching.

“I doubt it would be helpful.”

Hiei suddenly snapped into reality and looked around, shaking his head as if to dislodge a troubling thought. “Was I asleep?” he asked Kurama.

“No. Do you remember what you were thinking of just now?”

Hiei stared off into the distance. He didn’t offer a response.

“Yusuke,” said Kurama. “Have you noticed anything strange besides the nightmares?”

“Huh?” said Yusuke. “Not really. I feel tired a lot, now that you mention it. Could be all the waking up from bad dreams, though.”

“Do they always wake you up?”

Yusuke thought back. “All the times I remember, I’ve been woken up by the scariest part of the dream.” Yusuke squinted at Kurama, seeming to notice something off about him.

“Yusuke?” Kurama said after Yusuke’s gaze lingered too long and too intensely.

“I’m sorry, you just… smell wrong…”

Kurama looked puzzled. Yusuke shrugged. He decided against telling Kurama what he meant. It wasn’t Kurama’s smell, it was his aura’s smell. In fact, everything about Kurama’s aura felt wrong. The smell, the feel, the taste…

Yusuke shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

Kurama glanced at Hiei who was lying down with his feet propped up on the arm rest. I don’t like this, he thought. There is something very wrong here.