An Outcast's Desires, A Forbidden Love

I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. It belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi. I claim only the plot and the torment of the characters as my own ideas.

Author’s Note: I thought long and hard before I decided to write a Yaoi. You are warned, this story will have a male pairing in it. If you don’t approve or this bothers you in any way, then please don’t read this story. I will not accept any flames in reviews because of this.

In response to emailed concerns as to who Rui is:


*SPOILER ALERT* Rui is NOT an original character, she is the Koorime who was ordered to throw Hiei off of the island when he was a newborn. She is in fact a minor character in the series.

Chapter One
Rui’s Council Trial

“Rui, you are being summoned to appear before the elder Yukiko.” The child was breathless from running, but the tone that the elder had used when issuing the summons had left little room for doubt that she had been displeased. The child had thought it was in her best interests to hurry, lest she be next in line to face Yukiko’s wrath.

Rui sighed and slowly got to her feet. She was feeling older these days and she suspected it didn’t have anything to do with her age. There were too many things happening of late, too many changes, and the Koorime didn’t take change easily or lightly. She looked down at the expectantly waiting child. “Please let Yukiko know that I am coming immediately.” Whatever the reason for the summons, it couldn’t be good and Rui had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She searched her mind for a reason for the summons but came up blank.

The child led the way to the formal hall, which raised Rui’s eyebrows slightly. So whatever this was about, it was to be formal. Guards stood on each side of the doorway and she walked between them, feeling as if she was carrying her head in her hands. They ignored her presence as if she didn’t exist, but she knew that was impossible. Everything Yukiko did was calculated and meant to make an impression. Inside she could see that all four of the council seats were filled and her heart sank. Her steps took her forward to silently stand before the women while she waited to find out what she had done to warrant an audience before the full council.

Yukiko stood slowly to her feet and looked at the other elders sitting to her right and left. Then she glared down at Rui while the other Koorime looked at her with varying degrees of disapproval written on their faces. Rui looked at each of them in turn, her eyes finally coming back to set on Yukiko expectantly.

“It has come to this councils attention that you have failed this councils edicts and the Koorime as a whole not once but twice.” Yukiko intoned in a low disapproving voice. “You failed to kill the forbidden child the first time, when you threw him from the island. We all heard your parting words to him, to live and return to this place to take his revenge. I cannot fathom what possessed you to do such a thing, however it obviously was what that abomination needed to hear to survive. Which he has had the incredibly bad taste to do I might add.” Yukiko’s voice was gaining in volume at every word and Rui winced.

“And now while going through Sachiko’s possessions since her untimely death, we have discovered a diary. Would you like to know what we found written inside?”

Rui didn’t think it was possible for Yukiko’s eyes to become any colder then they were at that moment but she was wrong. If it had been possible for ice daggers to be coming out of the elders eyes Rui was sure she would have been dead at that moment.

“I swear I saw a man on the island today. At least I think it was, but he was so short. His hair was black, as night and he felt mixed. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was talking to Rui at Hina’s grave. Is it possible her son survived? And why is Rui actually talking to him instead of trying to kill him. I think I better keep this to myself, Rui has more standing with the council then I do. They’ll think I’m lying.” Yukiko read from the diary. “The next entry reads like this. I watched as Rui began to follow him and I crept out of my house, trying to hear what it was they were saying. She had said she knew he would return. She also asked if he was there to kill her, to take his revenge for his abandonment. It has to be him! He looked over to where I was hiding and glared, for several long moments I was sure I was going to die. He looked at me with such hatred, yet made no move to come near. Rui lay in the snow where she had fallen, tears scattering on the ground as she said she was sorry for what she had done. I returned home, unsure of what to think of what I had seen.”

“What we found written was that creature did indeed return to this island. And not only did you not kill him then, not only did you not inform the guard so they could dispose of him, not only did you not inform the council of his presence, but you actually spoke to him. You have placed all of our island and us in jeopardy by your actions and lack of action Rui. Our very existence and way of life. Have you anything to say before this illustrious council passes sentence on you?”

Rui squared her shoulders and stood tall. She knew there was no reason she could give that would forgive or even lessen the crimes that she had committed. She chose her words with care, knowing that she was damning herself even as she spoke them aloud.

“All that Sachiko has written is true and I won’t try to deny it. I followed this council’s direction and I threw Hina’s son over the edge of the island. Yes, I said those words to him, an innocent babe. And I buried my best friend after I did this to her son. I buried a part of myself with her.” Rui took a deep breath and continued. “So then her son returned. And I was supposed to kill him? He who had done nothing to us, who still did nothing even when I asked him to kill me, only turned around and left again. No, I suppose I didn’t follow Koorime law but I can’t say I regret my actions. And I am prepared for whatever punishment you feel I deserve. This council can do no more to me then what I have already suffered, having followed its directions.”

Yukiko narrowed her eyes angrily and pursed her lips as she regarded the now silent Koorime standing in front of her. Was it actually possible Rui believed her own words? Yukiko wasn’t sure. If she was truly that demented then Yukiko was going to give her a chance to learn the error of her ways of thinking.

“Rui, I have listened to your words. Now hear mine. Males are evil creatures that never should have been allowed to exist in the first place. And all of your wishful thinking will not change that. Not now and not a million years from now either. They have no place in this world of ours.”

“We have survived this long by keeping them out. And you, with your thoughtless actions and weak spineless way of thinking have tried to help the hands of fate to bring about our doom and an end to our way of life. Well, it won’t happen. Not now and not while I head this council.

“You saved that weakling demon fire spawn, now lets see if you can save yourself. I hereby sentence you to a term in the reeducation camp until you come around to a proper way of thinking. And if that never happens, so be it. I’ll not waste my time on you again.”

Rui’s eyes grew wide, not at the idea of the reeducation camp but at the mistake that Yukiko was making in her assumptions about the power of Hina’s son. “You are courting your own death Yukiko, if you believe him to be weak. No, there is nothing weak about him, he is far stronger then even you are.” She gave a short bark of laughter. “And to think, this council helped turn what could have been a powerful ally into someone who hates us all.”

“If he is as strong as you say, then he must be killed. Immediately. There is no way I will allow him to live.” The air around Yukiko grew frigid and began to crackle as her anger grew at the taunt in Rui’s voice. “You will give me his name immediately, that this council can send a detachment of the guard out and eliminate this threat to us.”

“I will do no such thing.” Rui answered, her voice calm even though her insides were quivering. “I followed this councils directions when I threw him over the side of the island. Against all odds, he survived. I will not take part in trying to kill him a second time. And I will not give you his name.”

“Then you will die. I will not tolerate this insolence from you or anyone else.” A slow smile crossed Yukiko’s face. “However I will grant you this one small boon. Being that you are my youngest daughter, I will let you decide the method of your own execution. You will have one week to think about this while you sit in your jail cell and you will inform the guard as to your choice of the method. And I will personally carry out your execution with my own hand. Guards!” Almost as an afterthought she added, “Of course, you could always decide to save me the trouble and kill yourself. If this becomes your choice none will stay your hand.”

The two guards Jun’ko and Natsuko stepped forward from their positions by the door looking extremely uncomfortable. Never in the history of the Koorime had they seen one of their own sentenced to death and they weren’t sure how to react to this sudden turn of events. Awkwardly they each took one of her arms and bound them behind her back with a silken cord. As they turned to lead her out of the hall and down to the dungeon Rui threw a parting shot back over her shoulder. “You may kill me mother, that’s yours and this councils right. But, there is no way you’ll succeed in killing him. Your power doesn’t extend that far.” And she gave a bitter laugh as she was led away.

They were going down. Farther down then Rui had ever been or even knew existed. She wondered briefly if this dark damp place even had an end when the corridor came into sight and with it a row of doors built along one side, the rooms going directly into the mountain itself. It smelled old and musty as if time itself had forgotten this place existed. To Rui it seemed this place was a worse sentence then death itself and she began to understand just how demented Yukiko’s mind had become.

“The old lady has finally lost her mind.” That muttered remark came from Natsuko, not meant for anyone’s ears but her own. Jun’ko ignored the muttered remark, preferring to keep her opinions to herself but Rui gave her a sidelong look and a sad smile. Natsuko looked straight ahead as they walked down the corridor and stopped at the last door.

Jun’ko opened the door and Rui stepped inside. “You will be given three meals a day, nothing more so don’t bother to ask. If you choose to eat the rats that occasionally run through here, that’s your business. No exercise time is allowed down here. This will be your home until your execution or until you choose to end your own life. If you choose this option please let us know and we will make sure that the means is provided to you for your disposal. With those words the door closed and Rui found herself alone in the cell.

“So this is to be my final home.” Her words echoed off the walls eerily back at her as if mocking her. The cell was remarkable in it’s emptiness, having nothing but a low stone ledge for a bed and a hole in the ground at the far end as a privy. The small light in the cell came from the moss that grew on the damp walls, making the cell glow an eerie green and stale water trickled down the edge of the wall.. ‘So much for creature comforts huh mother.’

Yukiko’s final words came back to her whispering in her head. “Of course, you could always decide to save me the trouble and kill yourself. If this becomes your choice none will stay your hand.” Rui squared her shoulders. “No mother. You may kill me, you may make me wish I was dead already, but I will not give you the pleasure of killing myself. You’ll have to look in my eyes when you kill me yourself.” No answer came back to her but her own echoing words and she sat down heavily on the stone ledge.

She had no way of knowing how many hours had passed when there was a creaking of a key in the lock of the door. Natsuko stepped through the door, carrying a bowl of rice and a small container of tea. Her eyes were heavy with sorrow and she refused to look at Rui, holding out the platter to her hands instead. She waited in silence while the food was eaten, then offered in a small voice “The moss, for all that it looks strange is edible. But… I did not tell you this.” She hesitated, then reached out to take the now empty tray back. “I’ve been thinking, if you chose to kill yourself, going into the Makai would be a way to do it. Although I’m sure that’s not what Yukiko had in mind.” She hesitated again and whispered “If you were to choose this route, it could be accomplished.” With that she turned on her heels and walked out the door, turning the key in the lock behind her.

‘Did she just offer to help me?’ Rui stared at the closed door for a long time as if it would give her answers she sought. When nothing more was forthcoming she sighed and laid down on the slab, mulling over her options in her mind. ‘Yukina left the island. And I’m sure that she survived. And I know for a fact that Hina’s son survived too. If I leave here I could go find them. I’d never be able to come back but if I stay here I’m dead anyway so what does it matter.’ A tear slid down her cheek and there was a ping as it hit the floor, now turned into a gem. ‘I’ll never see my daughters again, nor be able to visit Hina’s grave. Yukiko, it would have been far kinder to have killed me immediately.’

She laid down on her bench and slept, her dreams filling her mind with red eyes. Eyes that belonged to a certain handsome demon filled her mind and gave her hope. She didn’t know his name but he was hers in her dreams and that was enough for now.

Meals came and went, that was how Rui judged how much time had passed. There was no more mention made by Natsuko of her offer for help but Rui could occasionally feel her eyes upon her, the question burning a hole in her as curiosity ate at her. Her anxiety levels were also growing as time grew short and a decision had to be made.

On the morning of the fifth day Rui gathered her courage and made up her mind. When Natsuko brought her breakfast for the day she whispered to the guard “I have decided.”

Natsuko raised an eyebrow and slightly smiled but made no further comment while she finished her breakfast. As she took the now empty tray back she whispered softly “I will come for you tonight. Be ready and mention this to no one. Also, remember me wherever you end up.” The young guard turned and was gone leaving Rui to wait alone once more.

Time seemed to crawl now that she had made up her mind. Meals came and went and still her mind raced. She didn’t know exactly what Natsuko had planned but the guard had been the kindest to her since her imprisonment of any of the guards. Just when she was fearing that something had gone wrong she heard the key creaking in the lock. The door slowly opened a crack and Natsuko stuck her head through. “Come” she whispered harshly, her voice catching in her throat.

Rui stepped out of her cell and followed the guard down to the end of the corridor. Natsuko pressed her hand up against the wall and a secret door opened. The two women stood looking at each other for a moment and then Natsuko shocked Rui by stepping forward and taking her face in her hands, giving her a deep kiss.

“I don’t know where this leads, all I know is that it’s not on any of the maps of the island. Wherever you come out, may Kami be with you. Remember this poor Natsuko who could have loved you if things had turned out different.” The guard stepped away from the door and waited as Rui stepped into the long corridor then firmly sealed the door closed behind her. ‘Remember me Rui, I’ve loved you my whole life and now I’ve given my life so you can live. Please let it not have been for nothing.’

The tunnel seemed to go for miles in the darkness, twisting and turning back on itself, with the occasional sound of water in the distance. ‘This is a natural cave, no wonder it wasn’t charted. Yukiko, with her fear of the dark wouldn’t have allowed it.’ Rui grinned to herself in triumph, it honestly seemed at that moment as if she could taste the freedom that awaited her.

Suddenly there was a glimmer of daylight up ahead and she pushed towards it faster, unmindful of the way her hands were getting small cuts on them from touching the natural formations that had formed from the centuries of rushing water and mineral deposits.

Her progress slowly as she neared the entrance to the mouth of the cave. She breathed a sigh of relief as she looked beyond the entrance and saw that it had led her to the walkway that would take her down to the Makai. Surely they would have noticed that she was gone now so she would have to hurry. Without wasting another moment she crossed the walkway and began down the path into the forests of the Makai. Fear gripped her like she had never felt before but she pressed onward. If she were to die than so be it but she refused to fall to her mothers hand. She could feel the youki of the demons that inhabited the forest and shivered. She hadn't felt anything like it before and it made her nervous. It didn’t feel as if they were waiting specifically for her but she was sure she didn’t want to be walking into a gathering of demons unannounced. She took a deep breath and muttered “This is your new life Rui, welcome to it.”