~Once Burned~

Hey, hey, hey! I'm back from vacation in Texas, and it was a total blast. We went to Sea World, and the Alamo, and Six Flags (we saved up for almost a year to be able to afford all of that), and we saw a few of my old man's buddies who live out there. We went to one of said buddy's Air Force retirement ceremony, too. I'm sorry it took so long to update once I actually got back (if anyone remembers, I was back on the 5th), but we had major internet malfunctions going on, and I couldn't get online to post anything.

Here's hoping the wait was worth it! Please enjoy chapter 7, in which Hiei makes good use of his curiosity. Sorry folks, no smut in this chapter. I'm saving that. n_nv


It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Yusuke would not make a very good research subject, considering how pissed he had been about a little smooch. Hiei found that the very idea of doing anything more than that to the half-human gave him the willies anyway, so that option was out. He had fashioned several mental scenarios in which he attempted to just *discuss* things with the detective instead, but those always ended in imagined awkward silences. The only thing for the fire demon to really do was to learn by example, and he had only experienced a few facets of a much greater whole.

Well, there was *one* other option open to him. It was only that the thought of it made him cringe.

Which was why he hesitated, standing on a tree branch outside the public library not far from Kurama’s school. He had been trying to make himself go in for the last hour, but the constant stream of ningens going in and out of the building unnerved him. He wasn’t afraid of humans, no; it was just that they annoyed him. A lot. It seemed as though every last human on this miserable planet always made it their personal business to harass him whenever he deigned to walk among them for a change. The little old ladies who tried to get him to pet their curly-furred little rat-dogs, the old men who patted him on the head, the “concerned citizens” who asked him what he was doing out all by himself, the teenagers who were always getting in his face or playing their headphone music so loudly it had to be deafening them, and all those people trying to sell him things; it drove him nearly insane and made his sword hand twitch compulsively when he was in a large crowd. There was no end to the ways humans could agitate a person into a homicidal state. It was really their own fault if he wanted to kill them all.

/Why am I even bothering with this,/ he wondered, /Is it really so important that I know the things Kurama knows?/

He knew the answer to that from his perspective. It was important to him, because he wanted to be on the same page as the fox. From another’s point of view, such a thing would have been a trivial matter at most. Another person might have been content to learn from his or her partner alone, but Hiei couldn’t think that way. His stubborn streak demanded that he keep up with and even anticipate the kitsune. Besides, how was he ever going to pay Kurama back as promised if he knew nothing?

A deep breath and several seconds of repeating the phrase “I will not violate my parole by killing the fool humans” in his head later, he felt he was ready and jumped down from the tree. He zipped to the front door of the building without being seen, and after casting a wary glance around, went in.

It was surprisingly quiet inside. Not even the human children made much noise, and they were normally the worst. The reason for the blessed tranquility of the library became clear as he noticed several signs posted all over the walls stating “Quiet, please; people are reading.” So, even the humans recognized their own tendency to be loud and obnoxious, and took measures to prevent it in certain places. How nice.

A woman at one of the large, front desks labeled “Check Out/Check In” spoke to him, “May I help you find something, sir?”

Hiei considered this. On the one hand, she was offering him assistance. On the other, she was offering to bother him while he searched. He could either accept her help and endure her presence, and likely be out of here faster, or he could go with his usual independent ways and try to find what he was looking for himself, and probably be here all day. Ah, decisions.

“I’m not sure what I’m looking for,” he said at last, “I’ve got a topic in mind, but I don’t know which book to look in first.”

The woman pointed at a row of computers against one wall, partially secluded by a half-cubicle. “Anything you’re looking for is in our computer database. Just type a keyword in the search box, and it should bring up a list of books related to the topic you’ve chosen.”

He nodded, the only thanks any human would ever get out of him, and walked over to the computers. He settled into the computer chair and cautiously began his search. He had only an inkling of how these ornery machines worked, and he had already made one of the computers at Kurama’s school belch smoke during a particularly nasty incident, wherein the computer crashed while he was searching “the Web” for info on the human world. How had he been expected to know that looking at fifty different pages at once would damage the machine? It wasn’t *his* fault that the manufacturers had designed the thing inefficiently.

He located several books related to the word “sex,” a word which he had picked up by listening around. When he found and skimmed through said books, however, he quickly realized that not only were they all just a bunch of facts, they were also all the *same* facts. All they did was tell him why he had reacted the way he had and what his reactions were labeled, and he couldn’t quite reconcile the intense, marvelous feelings he had experienced with the offered lists of cold, scientific terms.

/This isn’t helping much. So it’s called a damned “orgasm.” So what? This doesn’t explain a whole lot more than the reproductive functions of the male and female body. And I sure as hell don’t want Kurama’s children, even if I could have them, which according to this book, I can’t. The only interesting part of this is figuring out the difference between sexes—and there are some things I’d rather not know! So, that’s why Yusuke’s woman is bitchier on certain days of the month..../

Some of what he had read so far was admittedly fascinating, but a lot of it was just plain disgusting, and none of it taught him anything about giving pleasure or receiving it. Frustrated, he shoved the last book back onto the shelf and stood glaring at it as though it had personally wronged him.

He actually sensed Kurama before he saw the kitsune this time, to his credit. He was on top of the bookcase and out of sight before the redhead even rounded the corner, but he knew from the way Kurama looked slowly around that he too had been sensed.

“Hiei? Are you here?” the fox called softly, not wanting to be scolded by the librarian for making too much noise.

Caught, the Koorime-boy dropped lightly to the floor in front of the taller male. “What brings you here, fox? Following me?”

Kurama shook his head. “Doing Biology work. The book I need should be here somewhere. Are *you* following *me,* Hiei?”

The fire demon ignored the teasing comment. “I was doing research.”

“On the Miracle of Life?” the demon fox queried, glancing over Hiei’s shoulder at the books on the shelf behind him.

“Che. Why would I? I hate children. They’re a nuisance.”

Kurama laughed. “Well, then it’s a good thing neither of us can have them.”

He walked around to the other side of the bookshelf Hiei was standing in front of, and began browsing the shelves for a book on Biology. The fire demon trailed disinterestedly after him, occasionally glancing at the books around them.

It was nice, Kurama mused, just having Hiei’s company. Already it had made his trip to the library, which had promised to bore him out of his mind, slightly more interesting. Was that part of love, being so content with another person’s presence that just being with them made you happy?

/I wonder what he was really doing here,/ he thought, /And in that section too. Come to think of it, no one would ever have given Hiei “The Talk.” Maybe it’s good that he’s trying to figure things out on his own. Still, if he wants to know more about sex, he’s looking in the wrong place. He could just ask me, but he probably won’t. He’s too stubborn for that./

“What are you thinking about?”

Kurama glanced at Hiei, surprised that the smaller demon would even want to know. “I was just thinking about you, really. Are you curious about what we’ve done so far, together?”

Crimson eyes flicked away in what might have been mild embarrassment. “It’s not like I have any experience.”

“Well, you know,” the kitsune offered, “I could just tell you what you want to know. Or,” seeing the glare Hiei shot his way, “if you truly want to find out on your own, you should probably try that section over there instead. It will be more informative, I think.”

Hiei looked where Kurama was pointing. “You’re kidding. Romance novels are stupid.” Or so he’d heard. He wasn’t sure, since he’d never personally read any.

“Some of them are. Well, most of them are, but I’ve read a few good ones in my time. If you’d like, I can point them out to you. You need to read more anyway; it’s good for you.”

The fire demon made a skeptical face, but Kurama had never steered him wrong before. He sighed under his breath. “Why not?” /It can’t be any worse than trying to talk to Yusuke..../

So the kitsune picked out a couple of books for Hiei, found the Biology book he was looking for, and checked them out. He was a bit disappointed when Hiei automatically vanished once they were outside, having wanted to at least enjoy his company on the walk home. Oh well, if you love something, set it free, right? Right.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The books, while a little hard to follow sometimes, turned out to be a lot more interesting than Hiei had assumed they would be. He had been prepared for a bunch of sentimental, lovey-dovey crap, but these were actually good. The man was well-rounded and intelligent, the woman was strong-willed and courageous, and all the characters and the plot were highly developed. Also, the book wasn’t all about love. It had its exciting parts, too, which kept the short-fused demon entertained. Sword fights were definitely a plus.

He hadn’t ever really thought of reading as a useful or even particularly relevant activity, but now he thought he might actually be able to pick it up as a part-time hobby, so long as he could find books this well-written. It certainly helped alleviate his boredom, and parts of the books ran startlingly similar to his own current state of mind. Kurama had been absolutely right; these were a whole lot more informative than those he’d picked up in the library. They described things on an emotional level, so that he actually understood them.

He read until it grew dark, and then stashed the books in the trunk of a tree in the park where Kurama had first kissed him. Then he raced off through the night towards the kitsune’s home, to sleep in his favorite spot in the tree outside the redhead’s window.

A few minutes later, as he settled into the Y-shaped pair of branches that he’d discovered made a secure, comfortable bed, he wondered if he was getting attached. It wouldn’t be so bad to enjoy being with someone else for a change, instead of being alone like he usually was. Maybe getting attached was all right.

And maybe, just maybe, if getting attached was all right, then letting himself feel more than that was okay too.

That thought brought with it a series of complex emotions with it, ones that Hiei had to think through very carefully. In the end, though, those emotions were not frightening at all as he had thought they would be. Rather, they brought him a sense of peace that he had never experienced before. He could name the feelings now, had seen them described and had a general idea of how to handle them. Love? He couldn’t say. But it was definitely something, and that something was good.

Much more at ease now, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One look at Hiei told Kurama that the fire demon had something important on his mind, and it needed to be said. The fox rubbed the sleep from his eyes (of *course* Hiei would come to talk to him at 7:00 am. Why practice a trivial thing like patience?), and looked at him expectantly.

“I’ll be brief, Kurama,” the red-eyed apparition stated, “I still don’t know if I love you, and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m still not sure if I even understand something that complicated. What I *do* know is, you’ve always shown me more kindness than I deserve, and I owe you that much at least. You’ve been my companion for years, whether I wanted it or not, and if I never seemed grateful it’s because I never knew how to be. The fact is, fox, I’ve realized that I am grateful to you, and that I do…care about you. Even if I’m not sure how much.”

Hiei finally inhaled, having been afraid that if he stopped to breathe properly before he had said it all, he would not have been able to finish. /Well that was more soul-purging than I ever wanted to do in a single *year,* let alone five minutes!/

But Kurama’s smile was worth it all. Hiei didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so—what was the word he’d read?—radiant, in his entire life.

The kitsune decided just this once to disregard Hiei’s overwhelming pride, and grabbed him in a tight hug. The fire demon growled a warning (which Kurama ignored) as he was lifted completely off the floor.

“I said I like you,” Hiei barked, “Don’t push your luck!”

“Sorry,” Kurama replied, “It’s just that’s the most open you’ve ever been with me, I think. I’m happy.”

“Yes, my current inability to reach the floor is proof of that.” came the sardonic reply.

The half-Koorime let out a ‘huff’ of indignation when Kurama made no move to put him down, but rather nuzzled the side of his neck. The fox demon’s bright-red bangs tickled his skin and made him squirm, kicking his feet slightly as he struggled to get down. *Hell* but he hated being short!

Eventually the redhead did put him down—on the bed. Hiei blinked at Kurama as the fox settled onto the mattress next to him, wrapped his arms around him, and closed his emerald eyes.

“What are you doing?” the fire demon asked.

“Sleeping. You woke me up too early, though I certainly appreciate your reason for it. Now shh.”

Hiei raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He’d half expected Kurama to jump him the minute he’d made his confession. He couldn’t really say he was disappointed. This way he had time to think about things, and to just enjoy Kurama’s warmth.

It was remarkably soothing watching the kitsune sleep, counting the deep, even breaths in and out. It was sort of like petting a cat and listening to it purr; it filled him with the notion that he didn’t need to *do* anything, except be there and be content.

/I like this,/ he thought, /I like just being with him. I am attached and I do care for him, and that’s all right./ Very few things had been all right before. It wasn’t all right to be Yukina’s brother. It wasn’t all right to be weak. It wasn’t all right to cry when he was sad, or laugh when he was happy, or to rely on anyone to protect him. Hell, it wasn’t even all right for him to *exist.* But being here, now, with someone who loved him despite himself, was okay. Kurama made it okay, made *him* okay. Kurama vindicated him.

A tiny shiver ran through him. This thing he was feeling right now…it was joy. He was happy. He was changing in tiny ways, and being happy was another step towards becoming part of something bigger and better than himself. Would he lose everything that made him who he was, if he accepted the changes and embraced that new whole? Possibly. But perhaps that was all right too.

/I never liked me anyway,/ he thought with a small smirk, /Maybe I’m due for a change./

Kurama stirred a little bit, not truly waking. “Love you....” he murmured.

“I know.” Hiei replied.

/Someday soon, I’ll most likely love you too, fox./



I just want to thank everybody again for their patience. You've all been a really good bunch so far, and I want to bring you guys the best fanfiction I can. If the story seems to be dragging a little, just remember that A) cranky fire demons need time to sort out their feelings, B) Love takes time, people!, and C) the lemon scene when Hiei finally makes up his mind will be all the steamier for the anticipation. Now smile and review! :) I love ya all!