Sensual Sadism

~*~ Hellooo my darling fans! Wow not many reviews *Pouts* But! I did get reviews from some favorites which makes me smile. Yes Hiei and Kurama are growing closer, and we’ll see some more of it in this chapter, a little fluff between them too just to help tide you over for the lack of a lemon between them. Hm… what else… oh we’ll see a nightmare, a glimpse into Hiei’s past… some drunk people… fighting over video games… and eventual cuteness…. I think that’s it… but we’ll see I’m not sure myself yet. I hope you enjoy the chapter, also forgive me for taking so long to get this out, I’m in the middle of packing to move, so the next chapter after this one may take a little bit as I move across country and settle into my new house, but please do not think I have forgotten this story, I have not. Okay on with the story!~*~

Chapter 5

“Kanpai!”

Everyone seated inside the small house on the outskirts of the city yelled as they hit their beer bottles together while seated all around the living room, some on couches, and others on the floor. Kurama sat on a chair that was black lined in purple, his red hair flowing over his shoulders covering the red silk pajamas shirt he wore. The entire outfit was loose as he sipped from his beer then simply held it. Chuckling softly seeing Yusuke and Karasu attempt to finish their bottles off that one he shook his head letting his gaze shift to Hiei who seemed to drink like he did, a simple sip and that was it.

“Whew… finish! Haha Yusuke you pansy you spilled half of it on you.” Karasu rolled shaking his head as Yusuke chuckled and finished off his beer.

“First and only one for me tonight guys.” Yusuke spoke nodding his head as he put his beer on the table.

“Aw Yusuke… we can start that tomorrow, this is a party night we should all enjoy it… I’ll keep an eye out on how many you drink and stop you before you’re too wasted fair?” Karasu smiled as Kuronue nodded his head agreeing completely. They couldn’t leave him out of the fun it wouldn’t be right, besides they had a lot to celebrate! Kurama was in the band, they sounded great together, and they were going to enter a contest that could get the recording contract they all desire!

“Alright, just make sure I don’t go past my limit.” Yusuke smiled at his friends glad that they wanted to include him and was willing to look out for him while he celebrated with them.

“Alright guys what say you we all play a little game?” Karasu asked while reclining back against Kuronue his violet eyes sparkling softly.

“Hm… depends what game?”

Kuronue had to keep from laughing at Yusuke knowing his habit of losing every game they had played together, though between him and Yusuke they were both obsessive about video games, but he knew that was not what Karasu had in mind.

“I was thinking twenty questions, only I want to change a rule that says everyone has to answer the question asked. It will also help Kurama get to know all of us better and us get to know him better.”

“Alright I’m game.”

Everyone else nodded their heads at Yusuke’s words agreeing with him, though Hiei had a look on his face that said he didn’t like this game already, but he wasn’t about to ruin everyone’s fun. Stretching out from his position in an arm rest chair he watched the others before letting his gaze shift to Kurama a moment. The guitarist was sitting in a chair like he was, playing with a strand of his hair; forcing the smile that wanted to show on his face away he couldn’t stop the longing to be the one playing in his hair. Was it as soft as it looked? Everything around Kurama seemed that much more beautiful, but then again it could be his emotions clinging to Kurama after learning exactly how well the guitarist seemed to be able to pick up what he was feeling.

Kurama felt eyes on him, and knew it was Hiei without even looking toward him, he longed to don’t get him wrong, but he was afraid of what he would find in those eyes. Shaking his head he stole a glance out the corner of his eyes studying the vocalist. He was dressed in a pair of black satin pants with a red dragon wrapping around the leg, his top was bare, his hair was flying in every which direction it pleased, but Hiei with no makeup on was just as beautiful and mysterious as he was with makeup on. He seemed… relaxed, even if a little stiff. Focusing on Karasu he smiled softly.

“Since it was my idea I’ll start with the first question, then each of you will answer clockwise… Hm… okay I’ll start off easy… What is your favorite color?”

Ah easy question to answer indeed, Kurama relaxed and crossed his legs before his lips parted to answer, “Red and Emerald Green.”

Hiei smirked behind his beer bottle at Kurama’s answer; hell if he had hair and eyes like that it’d be his favorite colors too. Lowering his bottle he looks to everyone and shrugs seeing they were waiting on his answer, “Red and black.”

Yusuke thought a moment before nodding his head, “Blue.”

“Blue? I would have thought green Yusuke.” Kuronue cracked up remembering the year Yusuke decided to dye his hair dark green and it came out lime green. Seeing the bassist flip him off only made him laugh harder before he was able to answer. “Silver and Violet.”

“Oh we couldn’t guess why.” Hiei muttered causing everyone else to laugh and Kuronue to blush red.

“Mine is Black and Purple any shade.” Karasu nodded before looking to Kurama his violet eyes sparkling. “Alright your turn to ask.”

Kurama closed his eyes and thought a moment while twirling his finger around a strand of his hair. Deciding to keep the theme of easy questions, he opens his eyes slowly. “What is your favorite food?”

Hiei smirked realizing these questions were so simple and shook his head chuckling, “If I had to pick… Ice Cream.”

“Really? Ice cream?” That got Kurama’s attention causing him to shift his gaze to the vocalist.

“Oh you’ll learn soon enough Kurama… he can’t pass an ice cream store and not stop.” Everyone started laughing when Hiei flicked Yusuke off for that comment.

“Mine is… Pizza.”

“It would be you junk food obsessed crazy person… mine is shashimi.” Kuronue nodded his head wishing like hell he had some now.

“Haha… mine is… sweet buns.” Blushing softly Karasu mumbled the words which sent everyone including Hiei laughing. Kurama just sat there and looked confused until Hiei shook his head.

“We took him to a place that sold them… and Karasu managed to eat so many that they ran out… we’ve been teasing him about it since.”

“Ah…” chuckling softly Kurama shook his head at their antics. “Strawberries.”

Hiei had to hold back the smirk wanting to show on his lips. He could picture the guitarist savoring a strawberry shaking his head he allows a smirk to play across his face while thinking of his question then decided to spice things up a bit. “Since the rest of you are taking the safe route I refuse to follow suit… so… Name a sexual fetish you have.”

Blushing Yusuke glared at Hiei since he would have to be the first to answer this and thought about it a moment. “Hm… I guess mine would be legs… I like shapely legs…. The hell is so funny?”

“Yusuke… you are so normal it’s surprising at times I swear considering you hang out with us.” Kuronue chuckled shaking his head before answering the question. “Hm… being cut.”

“You mean to tell me… you let someone… take a knife to you willingly?” Yusuke asked his eyes wide with shock; he hadn’t expected something like that to come out of any of their mouths.

“Not just anyone… Karasu… He is the only one I have let near me with a knife. I enjoy the feeling of it.” Shrugging Kuronue relaxed against the couch a soft dreamy look to his eyes remembering the night before.

Karasu smiled and kissed Kuronue’s neck knowing where his thoughts were before shaking his head as all eyes was on him. Laughing softly he spoke, “Whips.”

Kurama raised a brow then chuckled softly under his breath. It figured. Raising emerald green eyes he let his gaze meet Hiei’s who was looking at him expectedly, smirking softly he spoke his fetish while still holding the vocalist’s gaze. “Asphyxiation,” he said simply as if it was perfectly normal.

Kuronue’s and Karasu’s mouths dropped open as they stared at Kurama. Even they hadn’t been bold enough to play with that one. They were shocked extremely so that Kurama was into it, Kuronue more so than anyone… just how much did he not know about his friend. Hiei on the other hand felt his body heat up about 100 degrees. He hadn’t expected that at all, but he couldn’t let his eyes leave Kurama’s, just the thought of… holding back a tremble that threatened to rock him he took a sip of his beer to cover it as Yusuke spoke.

“Err… would someone care to explain?”

“Asphyxiation Yusuke is the pleasure coming from having one’s airway cut off while having sex, in my case it would be right before orgasm.”

“Like strangling?” Yusuke not quite getting it focused his gaze on Kurama.

“Yes… but it doesn’t have to be just that way… there are many ways to enjoy a shortness of breath or breathing in general like stopping yourself from breathing… when you need to inhale you steal your lover’s breath while kissing and vice versa… breathing for someone can be quite… intimate and arousing.”

“Kurama… you or the person you’re with?” Hiei finally spoke believing his voice to be steady enough to do so. Letting his gaze raise from his beer he met emerald orbs awaiting his answer.

“Me.”

“But… but why in the hell would you let someone do that to you?” Yusuke didn’t get any of his friends, but he was seriously thinking he was in a band with some completely insane people.

“Yusuke… to trust someone with your life is the ultimate act of love… for me putting my life in my lover’s hand is pleasurable for me, to know I can trust them so inexplicitly… to know they would never let harm befall me… to feel that pleasure that even if you could breath you’d forget how to… For example… letting someone dominate you… it needs the same amount of trust, to let someone break you completely and trust them enough to be there afterwards… you can’t understand if you’ve never had it done, never trusted someone so wholly…”

Hiei listened to the dreamy sound in Kurama’s voice as well as the underlying hint of… longing. He knew that feeling, the feeling when one was alone and longing for some sort of completion… he himself felt it often… even more so now that Kurama had joined the band. Seeing Kurama’s eyes take a far away glance he could understand exactly what that look entailed, a longing for what once was, a need that burned inside you that you couldn’t quench or find an outlet for. He knew how it felt, knew it deep down inside of him where he had managed to hide the scars from his blade when the need got to be too much.

“Riiight… okay my turn… favorite video game.”

“Oh come on so easy... Metal Gear Solid 2.”

“Hm… Dance Dance Revolution.”

“You too?!” Kurama sat up excited as he looked to Karasu who was smiling back at him just as brightly.

“Oh my… you play too?! Oh we have got to get together Kurama… and definitely get our dance on.”

“Oh I agree!”

“Aw man… I didn’t think anyone had the dancing fever as bad as Karasu… guess I was wrong…”

“Tenchu…” Hiei shrugged his shoulders as all eyes turned to him smirking he leaned back into his chair, “What? I enjoy killing things up close and personal with a katana… it doesn’t get any better than that.”

Everyone laughed and somehow the party turned into one of video game battles between Kuronue and Yusuke playing Metal Gear Solid 2. Kurama, Hiei, and Karasu simply watched and the conversation was light and fun. Everyone cracked up as Yusuke again died and the round of cursing started.

“Goddamn it Kuronue you’re supposed to cover me!”

“How in the hell am I to do that when you keep charging out without saying anything?” Kuronue laughed shaking his head as he revived Yusuke and managed to keep himself alive, but just barely.

The others simply watched the game going on, drinks were passed and enjoyed, food eaten and gone, hours had passed and everyone eventually took turns on the game, Kurama deciding it definitely wasn’t his time of game only took one turn, Hiei felt like it wasn’t personal enough so only played a few times, and Karasu refused out right to play. Eventually the night wounded down and everyone went to bed, Kurama in a guest room, Yusuke somehow ended up passed out on the couch, sure to have a hangover in the morning, but at least he hadn’t gotten as drunk as he had at the club.

Hiei on the other hand in a separate guest room was tossing and turning in his sleep, soft moans falling from his lips of horror and pain, tears clinging to his eyes refusing to fall. The nightmares always came when they pleased, no matter what he tried to do to forget they were always there, stalking him with new found pain as if lemon juice was being poured over open wounds on his flesh.

Hiei hid within a dark corner of his bedroom his eyes closed tightly, barely breathing, for fear of being found. He could hear the heavy footsteps, the impending doom causing his heart to pound giving him more reason to believe he would be found, and he would, he always was. The sound of his bedroom door being slammed open was almost enough to make him scream in fear, almost.

“Come out here boy, I have some friends that want to meet you!”

Hiei shivered at the thought of those so called “friends” the very thought of meeting them was enough to make him ill. He shrunk deeper into that corner hoping that the lack of light in the room would keep the monster away. It was futile he knew, but there was no where else to hide, no where else he hadn’t tried. It was always the same… always the same… crying out as his arm was grabbed and he was yanked into the arms of the monster Hiei began to scream and fight.

“Be still boy, you only make this harder on yourself!”

“No! Daddy no!” Hiei screamed kicking and flailing his arms in an attempt to get away, he was too weak to keep his father off him, too weak to stop the nightmare the monster put him through.

“SHUT UP!”

Hiei’s teeth chattered as he was shook before being flung to the ground as if he was nothing more than a rag doll. Feeling his father grab his arm and drag him across the floor Hiei couldn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes, couldn’t stop the pounding of his heart as fear threatened to consume him.

“Ah Heero…there you are, we were almost beginning to think we weren’t going to have any fun tonight…”

Hiei cringed at the sound of that silky voice, it was enough to make him want to be sick. He was shaking uncontrollably, but he knew his fate, he knew he would have no choice, and there was no telling what they would do to him this time, no telling what his father would do.

“Oh come now Ryu you know I would never disappoint you.”

The others in the room laughed and Hiei closed his eyes tight attempting to will himself to another place in time, a place where he was happy and carefree as he was thrown into Ryu’s lap. Feeling the man’s sweaty hands on his face Hiei made an attempt to run for it, only to feel him yanked back down and the man’s legs wrap around him. Feeling those hands trail over his bare chest, tweaking a nipple, Hiei felt hot tears roll down his face. He always attempted to will himself not to cry, not to feel the pain, but every time he failed, and every time he hated himself more because of it.

“NO!” Hiei began to struggle anew feeling those hands move to the waistband of his pants in an attempt to remove them from his body, biting the hand covering his mouth he was pleased at the startled cry, but his moment of happiness was short lived as he felt the hand of his father connect with the side of his face.

His clothing was ripped from him and he was thrown to the floor his body immediately stretched out by four other men, men he didn’t know. Oh god how many were there?! Looking up at his father he watched as he kneeled down and caressed his cheek almost lovingly. Feeling one of the men wrap his hands around his length and stroke Hiei groaned and attempted to struggle again only to have his lips captured in a kiss and a tongue shoved down his throat. Turing his head away he gagged gasping for breath until his head was grabbed by Ryu and the man’s length forced down his throat just as his father tore into his entrance and he screamed, the sound muffled by the length in his mouth.

Hiei woke with a start his body shaking and covered in sweat as he sat up. His heart was pounding and for a moment he panicked as he struggled to breathe, disorientated and more than a little angry with himself. Placing a hand over his heart he took deep controlled breaths like the doctors told him to chanting to himself time and again that it was just a bad dream, his father was dead and couldn’t hurt him anymore. Once he was calmed down enough Hiei got up grabbing his pack of cigarettes, and walked out of the bedroom heading for the balcony doors and outside immediately lighting one of the sticks and inhaling the smoke letting the motion calm him more than the breathing had. Sighing softly he lowers his head his free hand clenched into a fist as he attempted to stop the swirling need of destruction raging inside of him.

“You couldn’t sleep either I see…”

Hiei startled swung his head around to look at the other side of the balcony for the source of the voice. He hadn’t expected anyone else to be awake let alone out here, though she should have known something was up considering the balcony doors had been unlocked. He couldn’t see the person, but he could see the bright cherry of the cigarette the person was holding, had he not been recovering from the effects of his nightmare he would have easily been able to tell who it was.

Kurama stood from his leaning position against the wall in the shadows and walked out into the moonlight so Hiei could see him. Pushing his hair out of his face he smiles softly before taking a drag of his cigarette as he leaned against the railing next to Hiei.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you, I don’t sleep well at night so I decided to come out here for a cigarette…” Kurama spoke softly, his words dancing out elegantly and polite even at this late hour. Letting his eyes dance over Hiei’s form a moment he picked up on the various scars littering the vocalist’s body. There was many on his back some were horrible others seemed to be faint, all of them told that they were made a long time ago, the ones on his chest and arms; however, were recent. Before he could realize what he was doing he reached out and caressed a few of the scars that held his attention the most, they were recent and spelled out “no future” on his chest.

“Masochist…”

Hiei eyes flew to Kurama’s and for a moment the two of them simply stared at one another. It was rare for Hiei to allow anyone to touch him, but hearing that word fall from Kurama’s lips in that soft whisper with so much understanding baffled him. It was Hiei who finally broke the gaze and Kurama removed his hand from him turning to look out over the night sky a slight blush on his face. What had possessed him to touch him he didn’t know, but the desire had been strong and he couldn’t deny it.

“I had a nightmare… sleeping doesn’t appear to be an option.” Hiei spoke the words softly not even sure why he was telling the redhead this, but he had a feeling that Kurama understood him, that he knew there was something horrible in his past. Sure anyone who wanted to know knew his past was dark and that his childhood had been anything but he had never hidden it, hell it was all in his song lyrics.

“The pain never really goes away does it? No matter how much you try to fight it, it is always there…”

Hiei studied the redhead wondering about that faraway tone in his voice, had he been through something similar? No. No one else could have that sick of a father.

“No… no it doesn’t.”

Kurama nodded his head at Hiei’s words and sighed softly remembering a time when he had been where the vocalist appeared to be. He had help though, he had someone who had cared for him, had helped to heal him, and helped him to find an outlet for it, a way to cope. Hiei didn’t appear to have that, though it did seem that he used his music as his outlet. Just what had happened to Hiei?

“My father… abused me, let his friends abuse me, I’m sure I don’t have to go into detail, let’s just say they left their marks on more than just my mind and emotions. My Mother knew… she always did… she killed herself because of it when Yukina and I was six. Yukina had no idea of course, and he sent her away to live with relative when Mother died…”

Kurama cringed at his words knowing exactly what he meant, he was sure the scars on his back told the tale, and the way he spoke of it told of the volumes of which he had suffered under his father’s hands. It pained him to know that he had gone through such horror and managed to come out of it and have such a gift for singing… it made sense now, the power behind his lyrics. He sung with everything he felt, it was how he let everything go. He didn’t want the details, he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it all.

“I understand… I was beaten by my Father for being gay, repeatedly. He hated me because I looked like a girl, hated me because I was gay, and hated me because I refused to conform to what he wanted me to be, my mother knew and was no help, she didn’t even fight him when he kicked me out of the house at 16. I haven’t seen her since.”

“I’m sorry…” Hiei was shocked to know that Kurama had gone through that, he wouldn’t have expected it of him, he seemed so… normal… well closer to normal than the rest of them.

Putting his cigarette out in the ashtray Kurama shrugged his shoulders pushing back the momentary pain the memories caused. He missed his mother. Before it had been found out that he was gay he had been close to her, she had been his one ray of sunlight in a world of darkness, but all that had changed when they found him with his next door neighbor.

“It’s life, we deal with the cards we are dealt and we either find a way to play or we succumb under the pressure and lose… and for me losing was never an option.”

Hiei nods with a slight smirk showing on his face momentarily forgetting his own pain. What Kurama had just said made sense, and it was in truth how he lived his own life, though it was the pain he caused himself that helped him the most. Masochist… Kurama had no idea, putting his cigarette out he sighed realizing he should try to get some sleep, knowing Karasu he’d be determined to do something first thing in the morning.

“We should sleep…”

“You go ahead… I don’t sleep well alone and in a strange bed.”

Hiei nodded his head and turned to make his way into the house, but paused a moment and turned back to face the redhead who was staring up at the sky. “If you want… you could sleep with me if it’ll help.”

Kurama turned to face Hiei his emerald green eyes looking ethereal in the light of the moon before he nodded his head and followed the vocalist into the house and into the bedroom. He didn’t know why he accepted, but something told him they both needed the comfort of another person tonight, and that neither of them would get any sleep otherwise.

Once they were in bed Kurama tossed and turned attempting to get comfortable, but it didn’t seem to be working, frustrated beyond belief and ready to give up he was startled as Hiei turned and pulled him closer to him so that his back pressed against his chest. Neither said a word, it wasn’t needed, there was a silent understanding that passed between them and for the first time in a long time Kurama relaxed feeling sleep that had eluded him for a while now blanketing over him.

“Oyasumi nasai Hiei…”

“Oyasumi nasai Kurama.”

~*~Author’s Ramblings: Alright there you have it. I’m not too sure I’m completely happy with the beginning of this chapter, but the party wasn’t that important, it was mostly what happens after everyone went to bed. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter though, I guess I’ll find out what you guys think through your reviews I often say I’m my worst critic LOL. Next chapter we’ll see the guys hang out some more getting to know one another, some practicing while in the house not in the studio, and we’ll see new lyrics to two different songs one will be one of the songs they are practicing, the other will trigger Kurama to write music for… let’s just say next chapter will be a little interesting with some fun thrown in, but something special will happen between Kurama and Hiei with that song, and it will foreshadow the future… that’s all I can say for now I’m already saying too much see how much I love you guys? Anyway I wanted to get this out before I began the drive to Georgia from Arizona so I hope you guys enjoyed it. I’ll see you in chapter six and I look forward to your reviews!~Lady Aqualyne