The Substance of Need

Okay, people, here it is, chapter 3! I know, I know, I probably don't have any damn readers for this fic anymore. T_T Oh well, at least this thing is off hiatus(though it may go back on it pretty much immediately; not sure *sweatdrops*)! Here's hoping this chapter doesn't make anyone lose their lunch. Enjoy!

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It was noon the next day, and his insides were knotting with nerves and anticipation both. It must have been apparent in his aura, because his sister told him to relax.

“I don’t know what you’re so worked up about, bro,” she said. “I’m sure he feels the same way.”

Kuwabara’s face reddened spectacularly. “That’s none of your business!” he sputtered. “Look, can’t you go out and do something girls do when they’re not bugging the heck out of their siblings?”

She chuckled, and went for her light jacket that was hanging by the door. “Yeah, sure. I think I’ll hit the mall across town and get my hair done by someone else for a change. I might get my nails done too, come to think of it. I’ll probably be gone for a few hours, so you and Yusuke can have your heart to heart.” With her hand on the open door, she leveled him a sterner look than the one of a moment ago. “Now look, baby brother, just because I’m gone doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you want to. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Her brother turned even deeper red at the implications, if possible. “Don’t be nasty! We’re just gonna hang out, so go get your beauty treatment and don’t worry about us!” He snorted quietly, and under his breath added, “I don’t know what you wouldn’t do, but it’s probably worse than anything I would.”

“Just behave yourself,” she shot back, making him jump. “And hey,” she said with a mischievous smile, “Give him a kiss for me, ‘kay?”

“Aw, shut up!” he yelled. Shizuru only laughed again and went on her way.

After that, Kuwabara busied himself with thinking about what exactly he would say. He came up with several different ways of describing how his feelings had changed over time, but none seemed to fit. At one point he caught himself pacing, and told himself to knock it off.

He was still frustratingly low on real ideas when the doorbell rang a while later. Swallowing his doubts and bolstering his courage as best he could, he answered the door, and with a sadly ineffective, “Uh, hey,” admitted the young man on the other side.

Yusuke walked in with the wary air of an animal seeing its new home for the first time. It wasn’t as though he’d never visited his friend’s house before, but it had been a long time. He was a little uncomfortable, a touch out of place. He stopped at the end of the small hallway leading from the front door to the living room, and just looked around.

“You sure keep the place clean,” he said at last. “It’s nice. My mom started cleaning up a little more after the fire, but our apartment’s still kind of a low-key disaster area.”

“You can step on the carpet, you know,” Kuwabara joked. “It’s not going to shrivel and turn to dust. Just leave your shoes by the door.”

“Yeah, yeah; it’s not like I forgot how to use my manners while I was in Demon World.” The shorter teen toed off his sneakers and went and set them by the entryway. When he returned, he seemed much more at ease. He made himself right at home on the living room couch, stretching lightly and settling in. “So, what’ve you been up to while I was gone?”

“You first,” Kuwabara replied. What he had to say, he wanted to save until they’d covered all the other things that needed saying.

“Okay,” Yusuke agreed easily. “Well first of all, I met my ancestral dad, Raizen. Turns out he wasn’t such a bastard after all. Unfortunately, we didn’t have much time to get to know each other, because he died about a year after I got there. I sort of feel bad really, because all I did while he was alive was try to kill him, and then that last day he told me a lot of things, and it made me rethink my opinion of him. He lived how he thought was right, and I can respect him now.”

“Wow,” Kuwabara exclaimed. “And here I thought you hated his guts.”

“I did. But that’s over with now.” The dark-haired youth went on with his story, his eyes growing a tad distant as he relived the events in his mind. “After that, I went and saw Yomi, one of the demons in charge of the Makai, and convinced him to help me organize this tournament for the right to rule Demon World. Every demon would be fighting for themselves, not a kingdom or some bigger cause. It made things a lot simpler, and I guess in the end it did stop a war from breaking out between Yomi and Mukuro. Mukuro’s the other demon lord.”

“Kurama said some stuff about that when he came back,” the redhead confirmed.

“Right. So this old friend of my dad’s, Enki, won the tournament, and he said no more demons are allowed to cause trouble in the Ningenkai. There’s gonna be another tournament in a few years, and then we’ll do it all again. Or they will, because I think I need to get a lot stronger before I tackle kingship of the entire Makai.” He grinned sheepishly, embarrassed about having to admit he hadn’t made the cut this time around. “Anyway…I heard Hiei’s on border patrol now until the next tournament, which really just means we’ll see him again when he feels like he can stand us. Kurama and I came home, and that about wraps it up. Now, your turn: what’s been going on with you the past few years?”

“That’s not fair,” Kuwabara complained mildly. “You told me everything that happened to you in less than five minutes. Not a whole lot even happened to me, and I’d still go into more detail than that.”

“So spill,” Yusuke replied cheekily.

“You haven’t changed at all,” the taller boy muttered. Inside, he was far from disappointed by that fact. “You’re still a punk.”

And there was that funny little grin again, the one he’d given Kuwabara years ago, on the night they’d spoken of his death at Sensui’s hands, and all it might mean from then on. Seeing that familiar, quirky smile, it was as if all the things Kuwabara had meant to say were no longer important. All the in-between things, all the leading up he’d planned on all suddenly seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. Any words at all felt redundant at this point, because hadn’t they been saying them forever already? In the things big and small that defined who they were, hadn’t they covered well enough how they felt? It was between the words that were spoken that the truth had lain all this time, and now that he was ready to speak, he could not think of a single thing to say.

Sienna eyes gazed at him quizzically. “Kuwabara? You okay in there?”

There was nothing to do but speak anyway, and hope the words were sufficient. “The past three years,” he said, “I thought about you.”

Yusuke stared. “Me?”

“Yeah, you.” Kuwabara had to force himself to meet the other’s eyes instead of turning away; as it was, he was sure the color of his face matched that of his hair, because he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. “I mean, I went to school and studied hard and did all the stuff I normally do, but when I wasn’t doing that, I thought about you.” He grimaced. Why did everything coming out of his mouth have to sound stupid? “It was tough sometimes. Keiko and I’d get together some days just to talk about you, and how much life sucked without you around. I guess we’re better friends now, ‘cause of that. She almost gave up on you, d’you know that?”

Yusuke had no conventional heartbeat these days, but his demon pulse was going wild. He swallowed, and asked, “Did you?”

“I dunno,” his rival answered uneasily. “I tried to forget about you most of the time after the first year. I couldn’t miss you all the time; I had to live my life. I don’t think I gave up, but all that waiting didn’t feel too good.”

“My being gone affected you that much?” the half-demon asked, taken aback.

He was thinking about his time in the Makai. He had also had too much to do to spend much time thinking of who he’d left behind, but in the moments when he’d had nothing to distract him, his losses had come back to him hard. And when it was time to go home, after all was said and done, it had not been Keiko’s face in his mind, or his mother’s, or his mentor’s. It had been the face of the one person who understood his reasons better than anyone else.

“I missed you too,” he admitted. “I think more than anyone or anything else I left back here.” He ran a hand through his short, raven hair nervously, mussing it slightly. “This is weird. I know what you’re trying to say, and I hope you know what I’m saying back, but it’s not something I was looking to have happen. Now that it is, I don’t know what to do exactly.”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not right. It’s not happening now; it’s been happening practically since we met. I still remember the first time I remembered your name without you telling me; you smiled like it was the greatest damn thing in the world, and even while I was cracking your skull, you still seemed happy somehow. All those times I’d kick your ass, and you’d come back again. I guess even back then there was something there.”

“What about now?” The other teen questioned.

“Well duh, there’s still something there; it’s just different.” Frustrated at his inability to express himself, Yusuke stood and paced back and forth a few steps restlessly. “I don’t know how else to say it. Genkai’s been saying it forever; I’m repressed. I’ve got this giant wall of bull between me and my real emotions and I—”

“For cryin’ out loud, Urameshi,” Kuwabara interrupted, exasperated, “Shut up and c’mere.”

Yusuke stopped pacing, and hesitantly complied. The redhead grasped his wrist lightly, and he allowed himself to be sat back down on the couch, a little closer than before. His skin tingled where they touched, and he held back the urge to roll his eyes at the cliché. It might have sounded cheesy in his head, but it was accurate.

“Don’t laugh,” Kuwabara told him, a hint of pleading behind the seriousness. “But I’ve thought about it over and over, and now I’m sure. I love you.”

Yusuke let out a short, awkward laugh in spite of himself, not because it was funny, but because he’d never in his life imagined he’d hear that coming from his best friend.

“I’m serious!” the taller boy said reproachfully.

“I know! I know, sorry.” The detective (ex-detective if you believed Koenma’s claim that his firing was permanent, which Yusuke didn’t) pulled himself together through an effort of will. God damn, he’d faced down demons and even his own death, and he was shivering now of all times? He couldn’t recall ever shaking like this since he’d first witnessed Togoro’s true power, back when he’d known he was far too weak to beat the demon juggernaut. But this wasn’t so much from fear. He wasn’t really scared, when he got right down to it. In fact, he felt almost like he might start laughing in earnest. It was just that he was feeling too much at once, and it was this inner chaos that was making him tremble.

“This is unreal,” he managed. “I knew you were gonna say that, but I still wasn’t ready to handle it.”

Kuwabara felt his heart start to sink. This wasn’t the reaction he’d expected, and he didn’t like the sound of it. He’d been so sure, too, sure that they both felt the same way. “So, does that mean....”

“Hey, don’t freak out!” Yusuke protested. “It just means you surprised me! Nobody’s ever been that, er, real with me before.”

Now it was the redhead’s turn to be surprised. “What, not even Keiko?”

“Naw,” the hanyou confessed. “She’s almost worse about saying how she feels than I am. I know she cares about me, but she’s never actually said she loves me. Well, a couple of times, but that was just to humor me.”

“So, do you love her?” Kuwabara was prepared to hear an answer that would sting, because everyone in their circle knew how much those two meant to each other.

Yusuke did not prove him wrong. At least, not entirely. “Well, yeah. You gotta understand, though; it’s hard to explain what’s between us. Mostly I think she deserves better, and I think she knows it. She’s stuck by me anyway, and that’s always made up most of whatever it is we have. She’s—whaddya call it—a constant. A fact of life, and I do love her for that. But you and me, that’s totally different. That’s something that isn’t so simple.”

He was more at ease now that they’d been talking for a while. The shock of hearing his friend’s admission was wearing off, and he supposed he ought to tell Kuwabara that those feelings weren’t one sided. “So…you love me,” he said, just to confirm.

“Yeah.”

Yusuke swallowed again; why was saying what he meant always a battle? “I guess…I feel the same way about you.”

The carrot-top raised an eyebrow. “You guess? Well that’s half-assed.”

“All right, I do feel the same way about you. Don’t be a bastard,” Yusuke growled.

Kuwabara was in no mood to take offense to his rival’s defensive streak. He was too busy grinning from ear to ear. “I think this might top some of the happiest moments of my life,” he announced.

“Okay…I’ve got a question, though.”

This sobered the redhead up somewhat. “What is it?”

“I hate to burst the nice bubble of fluffy feelings we’ve got going here, but what about Yukina? Isn’t she like the love of your life? I remember when you couldn’t shut up about how you two were destined to be and all that.”

“She’s special to me,” Kuwabara admitted. “But the thing is, she’s too wonderful. If you don’t think you deserve Keiko, then think about how it must be for me. Yukina’s the most perfect girl I’ve ever met, and I can’t risk messing that up. She cares about me; that’s enough. Besides, I don’t feel connected to her like I do to you, Urameshi. When it comes down to it, you and I just make more sense.” He frowned. “And before you say it, yeah, it does hurt some, knowing that. It’s nothing that’ll kill me.”

“I’m not a substitute for her, am I?” Yusuke asked. It made him guilty to see the wince his words induced, but he felt it was a valid question.

“No,” the other teen answered. “You’d never be a replacement. What I feel about you is on a whole other level, and I’m not about to let my attachment to a girl I can’t have get in the way. I said I loved you, and I meant it.”

There was a long period of quiet as all that had been said was allowed to sink in. It was a lot to think about. A lot had been bared in the short time they’d been talking, and it took a while for all the emotions that had been thrown up in the air to settle back down.

“What now?” Yusuke queried after a time.

“I don’t know. I think we just go forward from here.”

“Go forward, huh?” the half-demon mused.

“Well, Sis did say to give you a kiss for her,” Kuwabara mentioned jokingly.

He was surprised when Yusuke made a contemplative face, and then moved over into his space on the couch, the barest hint of a smirk on his lips. “Yeah? So give me one.”

The redhead started to protest, knowing in his gut that this would not end with a simple kiss. Then he considered it. Their chemistry was already about as dynamic as it was going to get. And he was already breaking down the walls of tradition he’d based his previous views on, so perhaps letting things happen as they would was the best course he could follow. Besides…breaking Shizuru’s rules was always an appealing prospect, when he could actually get away with it.

So instead of saying why they shouldn’t, he said nothing at all, only slipped a hand behind the smaller teen’s head and drew him in.

Yusuke tasted like passion, and he melted like desire. Kuwabara had never expected him to yield so easily. He’d thought he would have to fight him for dominance in this just as he had in everything else. Not so; Yusuke let himself be enveloped in his rival’s embrace, wrapping an arm behind the taller boy’s neck and resisting not a bit when he deepened the kiss. When they drew apart slightly for air, the hanyou sighed, the barest whisper of sound.

Wow, Kuwabara thought, a little hazily. I’ve heard some of the most repressed people are the most eager behind closed doors, but I wouldn’t have pegged Urameshi for one of those.

The detective’s compliance in the beginning was why it took him completely by surprise when the dark-haired youth chose then to unleash his more forceful nature. He surged forward and captured the other’s mouth roughly with his own; his weight pushed Kuwabara onto his back on the couch before the redhead could register the change. Blue-black eyes widened in shock, but the aggression simmered down as abruptly as it had flared up. Yusuke’s hands smoothed over his companion’s chest, then moved to either side of the prone teenager’s head, bracing the halfbreed up as he explored the mouth beneath his own. He hadn’t been submissive at all, Kuwabara realized. He’d been testing the waters, and after that, lying in wait.

So he’s gonna make me fight for it after all, huh? Well, let it never be said Kazuma Kuwabara had backed down from that challenge.

He gripped the shorter boy’s shoulders and pushed him back a bit, enough to sit up again without having to stop kissing him. This time Yusuke resisted; he nipped harshly at the lips covering his, sienna eyes flashing with defiance. Kuwabara flinched but refused to retreat from the sting, instead claiming that rebellious mouth again with a will. He tasted copper, knew that his lip was bleeding a little, but that pain was the least significant sensation at the moment. He shoved Yusuke down this time, and the Reikai tantei actually growled at him, a hint of red surfacing in his eyes. For a moment fascination warred with fear, as he realized he was seeing some of the demon within his friend. Fascination won out in the end, and he decided he wanted to know this side of Urameshi; it was part of him now, and it would be impossible to love him without accepting it.

“Your big, bad demon act doesn’t scare me,” he said, his voice huskier than he remembered.

“That’s good,” Yusuke replied in similarly roughened tones, “because I don’t think I’ll be able to keep the big, bad demon inside with you holding me down like that.” His lazy smile belied the danger in his words, in the deep, bloody brown of his gaze.

“Shut up, Urameshi,” Kuwabara ordered, and kissed him.

A delighted chuckle rumbled up in the detective’s throat in response to the challenge, and he fisted both hands in the other boy’s shirt, dragging the taller body down against his. The feel of another person so intimately close was strange and nice enough that he shivered, and pressed up against that novel warmth without meaning to. A tremor raced through the redhead too, and he abruptly slipped an arm beneath Yusuke’s waist to pull him even closer.

God that’s hot, the half-demon thought, gasping aloud. He ripped his mouth away from the other’s, only to bite at his companion’s throat beneath the jaw. He thought it must be his youkai instincts guiding him at this point, because he sure as hell didn’t know what he was doing. He’d never thought of himself as a biter; of course, he’d never thought of himself as being under his buddy of many years, either.

Kazuma let out a hoarse, indefinable sound when sharper-than-human teeth met his neck. It hurt, but damn if it didn’t hurt in a good way. He hadn’t even known such a thing was possible.

His hands developed a lust of their own, and they yanked up the T-shirt Yusuke was wearing so they could feel bare heat. It was worth the possible consequences for being so bold; smooth skin over hard muscle greeted his touch, and the half-demon squirmed at the contact in a way that nearly made the teen above him insane. The red-haired youth found and thumbed a nipple, experiencing a little thrill when the action produced another low gasp. He explored a strong collarbone with his fingers, traced down the center line of the hanyou’s chest, detouring to rub his thumb over the other nipple this time. So much to discover, but he knew this first encounter was not fated to last long, not with the level of urgency he could sense in the air between them, and in the rigid contours of his partner’s body. This had been far too long in coming, which might account for their enthusiasm now.

“Off,” Yusuke panted in reference to his shirt, and Kuwabara heartily agreed. With the smaller boy’s help he all but ripped the article off and tossed it haphazardly away. He paused for a scant second to note what appeared to be faint markings on Urameshi’s skin. They were like tribal tattoos, barely visible, and he recognized them as the same marks from when the detective had taken his Mazoku form during the battle with Sensui. They grew a little darker just before Yusuke yanked him down for a near-brutal clash of lips, teeth, and tongues that could only loosely be termed a kiss.

He wasn’t sure how he managed to get the smaller teen’s wrists pinned efficiently under his hands, and he only realized he’d done it when Yusuke strained against his hold.

“Damn it,” the sienna-eyed boy snarled at nothing in particular, arching against his friend with all the impatience of one who has never been touched before. He made a startled hissing noise when Kazuma’s lips found his ear, the hairs at the nape of his neck prickling in response to the feeling. The taller boy’s mouth was hot against his skin as it moved to his shoulder, Kuwabara’s hands sliding down Yusuke’s arms as their owner went lower and lost his grasp on the hanyou’s wrists. With his newly freed hands the spirit detective gripped his partner’s shirt at both shoulders, grinned evilly—and ripped the garment clean in half.

“Urameshi!” Kuwabara barked, aghast.

“It’s your house, you can get a new shirt later,” Yusuke replied, smirking without remorse. Eyes alight with curiosity, he explored the other teen’s now-bare skin wherever he could reach. “Besides, you’re worrying about a stupid shirt at a time like this?”

“I liked that shirt,” the redhead muttered. Still, he couldn’t complain too much, not with those calloused hands caressing him unabashedly.

He let out a startled breath when the smaller teen slipped both hands just beneath the waistband of his jeans, brushing the base of his spine and a little further. Yusuke’s touch seemed almost scalding, and though his first and strongest inclination was to feel those hands everywhere they hadn’t gone yet, a twinge of nervousness chose that moment to rear up and sting him. Should this really be happening as quickly as it was? He’d dismissed the possibility before, but maybe he shouldn’t have....

Then, a truly horrifying thought struck him motionless: what if Urameshi didn’t really want this as much as it looked like he did? What if once again, it was his newly awakened demon side doing the talking for him, and the Yusuke that Kuwabara knew had already been thrust helplessly back into the prison of his own mind? Even if it was due to youkai instinct, mightn’t that be powerful enough to cloud his reason?

“Kuwabara? Hey, what’s the matter with you?”

The redhead blinked as his attention was jerked back to the young man beneath him. Yusuke had let his arms fall to his sides, and he appeared disgruntled, confused, even possibly a little hurt. He studied that frowning face, searching for some clue that he was looking at the real thing, that the other boy was fully in control of himself. Yusuke saw him looking, and his eyes flashed when he realized what his taller friend was looking for.

“You still don’t trust me.” The words were a sharp accusation and a pained realization at once, and Kazuma flinched from them.

“Urameshi, I....”

Yusuke closed his eyes, tightened his jaw, and turned his face away. “Get off of me,” he said in a chilly monotone.

A stab of self-loathing made Kuwabara wince again, but he somehow found himself a touch angry as well. “Look, Urameshi, can you really blame me? This all came out of nowhere, and you only just came home. You’ve been gone too long, and I should’ve realized we needed to get comfortable with each other again before anything like this happened. I’m not gonna be sorry for worrying about you, though, so don’t lose your nasty temper at me.”

“You keep saying you’re worried, but you don’t have a damn clue what you’re worrying about!” Yusuke exploded, surging upward and shoving at the other teen’s chest hard enough to make him grunt. “I was in the Makai for almost three fucking years, you bastard! I found out who I am again, learned what I am now, and how to live with all of it and still be myself! And now you’re acting like if you push me too hard, I’ll snap! I’m not a psychotic demon monster who can’t control himself, and the way you’re tip-toeing around me all of a sudden pisses me OFF!”

“If you can control yourself, then quit yelling,” the redhead shot back. “How am I supposed to know what you went through? You haven’t told me yet!”

They glared at each other, the energy practically crackling between them. Then, a familiar calico cat leapt up on the couch, and consequentially, onto Yusuke’s lap. Eikichi purred at an obnoxiously loud volume, ignorant of the two boys who now stared dumbfounded down at her.

Yusuke clamped a hand over his eyes—and guffawed. For a moment, Kuwabara could only stare at him as if he’d gone mad, but then he found himself struggling (and failing) not to laugh too. He gave in and they laughed at each other, at themselves, and at the way they only seemed able to communicate when they were two seconds away from beating each other’s faces in.

Eventually, Yusuke collapsed back onto the couch, clutching his side and wheezing with mirth. He wasn’t even really sure what was so damned funny, but it was clear that Kuwabara wasn’t much better off. At last, though, he could breathe again. So could his fellow fighter, and they both took a minute to just absorb the silence.

Kazuma sighed and leaned against the back of the couch. “Now what?” he asked, because it needed to be asked.

The hanyou glanced at him out of the corner of one eye, which was now its normal sienna hue once more. The tattoos, the redhead noted, were also gone as if they had never been. “Now, I guess…I should probably go, or something.”

“Do you want to?” Kuwabara asked guardedly.

Yusuke was quiet for an almost uncomfortably long time, but then he closed his eyes again and echoed the other teen’s earlier sigh. “No.”

He started slightly when a hand caressed his arm gently, and he turned a wary gaze on Kazuma. The taller boy smiled awkwardly. “Then stay,” he said.

Stay. The simple word squeezed almost painfully around the former spirit detective’s heart, and he bit his lip uncertainly. Stay. It was the one thing he had never been able to do before, but....

He looked up at the other young man, who waited with uncharacteristic patience and that tentative smile, and for once in his life couldn’t conceive of going anywhere at all.

“Okay,” he agreed softly. He was rewarded with a kiss, and accepted it as his due. I’m home, he thought, and the pressure in his chest lightened just a little. I’m home.

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Awwww, are you all so sad there was no smex? >:D Oh yes, I'm a bastard. To be honest, though, this was truly meant to be full-blown yaoi. I got to a certain point, however, and the scene became too random to go through with. So instead I went with some minor angst that actually made more sense, and there you are. Plz don't kill me. I luv joo?

Review, and as always, no flames.