Blind

Blind

By mocha

Shikata ga
Nai ~ No way to avoid it

~*~*~*~

Long lost words
whisper slowly to me

Still can't find what keeps me here

When all this time I've been so hollow inside

I know you're still therestyle='mso-special-character:line-break'>

~Evanescence

~*~*~*~

I struggled to open my eyes and succeeded in the end. I
looked around and noticed that everything around me was black. No other color…just
black. Like a blind person’s sight.

“Where am I?” I called out to Nothing.
“What-“

//Gotta make you see…//

I spun around and met more black. “Hiei?
Is that you? What’s happening?”

//Le tae take you back…//

My eyes closed again and the black took me to a different
place…

~*~*~*~

Watching me wanting me

I can feel you pull me down

Fearing you loving you

I won't let you pull me down

~*~*~*~

>&nb> 

My feet finally found the ground, which looked like a part of
the Makai. I became aware that my body was transparent, almost clear that I
couldn’t even see myself. I observed the area, trying to figure out what the
former Jaganshi had done to me.

“Damn it!” a rough voice said behind me. An empty bottle of
strong Makai liquor flew tgh mgh my abdomen and shattered on the tree next to
me. I turned around and saw Hiei, clothes tattered and
stained with different colored blood, drinkingn asn as much alcohol as he could
take in. Once finished, he threw the glass on the ground and opened up another
bottle, repeating the process until all bottles were gone.

“Damn, fuckn’ kitsu,’”
he slurred, swaying in his seated position. “Messen’
with me…almost makn’ me
believe he wuz in love with me…th’
Forbiddn’ Child…”

He kicked the bottles with the heel of his foot, hissing
when the glass pierced through his boot and ripped open the skin.

“But they’re all lies…ALL FUCKN’ LIES!” Tears began to pour
down his face, the first I had ever seen him shed. “No one wants me…just class=SpellE>wanna use me as their freakn’
play toy!”

I felt my own eyes sting just from the very sight of the
little Koorime acting like this. I had never seen Hiei this broken, this jaded.
“Oh, Hiei…”

//I’m not done yet,// his voice
said, and everything became dark again. The land changed into the streets of
the Ningenkai, with Hiei running at top speed. His exercise stopped short when
Yusuke’s arms grabbed hold of his frame and looked at him.

“What’s the matter, Hiei?” the detective asked, raising an
eyebrow at him. “Did Koenma blow it or //really// blow
it?”

The fire demon pushed himself out of Yusuke’s grasp. “Go
away!”

“I’m not trying to kill you, Hiei!” he replied, class=SpellE>sweatdropping. “Did //you// do something this time that
made him mad?”

The Jaganshi’s complexion paled considerably. “Who – did he
tell you?”

>&nb> 

“Who tell what? What’s going on? You didn’t hurt anybody,
did you?”

Hiei backed up and shook his head. “I didn’t mean to…but he
lied…right?”

“Hey, wait!” the delinquent yelled at the black blur that
went past him. “Hiei! What happened? //Hiei!//”

I watched Yusuke’s form dissolve into black as I fell slowly
into another vision.

I appeared in the throne room inside Mukuro’s palace, the
overlord sitting at her seat and looking quite ticked. Hearing the doors open
behind me, I turned and saw Hiei stumble inside the room, walking through me
and nearly tripping over his own feet. Mukuro stood up and looked as if she
wd tod to choke her heir.

“Where in the Makai were you, Hiei?” she roared, raising her
ki to a dangerous level. “I summoned you two weeks
ago and you failed to show up! Do you have an explanation for your absence that
tells me I shouldn’t kill you?”

The fire demon blinked a few times and tried to stand up
straight. “Lot on meh mind,”
he muttered. “Didn’t feel like showin’ up n’ all….”

Mukuro stormed up to him and swiped his scarf away, sniffing
it carefully. Her normal eye glowed dangerously as she threw it back to him. “I
don’t believe you. You spent all that time //drinking//?”

“So? Whaz it to class=SpellE>ya?” he replied, almost falling over again. “I’ve got every
right to – hic – drink as much az
I wants.”

“You disgust me, Hiei. What the hell happened to you?”

“Nan demo nai
yo,” he replied, walking away.

“Nothing? Nothing you say? Don’t
fucking bullshit me!” cried Mukuro, grabbing the shoulders of his torn cloak
and raising him off the floor. “What the hell happened to
you?!”

“I SAID IT WAS NOTHING! //LEMME pan pan class=GramE>!//”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I KNOW! TELL ME!”

My jaw dropped. Hiei wasn’t following orders from Mukuro?
That was practically a death wish.

//So it was.//

“Was it Kurama?” she guessed, smirking at the struggling
b “I “I bet it was. You’re always so bitter here until I give you permission
to see him. Then you’re practically walking on the clouds once you leave. What’s
the matter? Does he hate you now? Did you do something to him? class=GramE>Or vice versa?”

I felt my insides clench. He was //happy// to see me? He
actually desired my presence and company?

The youkai managed to get free. “Shut up! Just class=SpellE>fuckn’ shut up!”

“Ah, so it was, wasn’t it?” she said in a tone of victory.
“Did poor Hiei-chan do something bad? Does Kurama-kun
hate him now?”

“No!” he screamed, covering his ears. “NO!”

I gasped when Mukuro’s robotic arm punched him and sent him
across the floor. He ped ped sliding halfway across the long hall and didn’t
move from his position. I wanted to run and hold him in my arms, to protect him
and whisper comforting words, but I couldn’t in my present state.

“You are a disgrace here,” she spat out, “and you will be
until you’ve figured out what a bastard you were. Leave and don’t come back until
you sort things out.”

My eyes closed again when the color consumed me. I’m not
sure if this is real or not.

//If it wasn’t, then all those yearre jre just a dreamclass=GramE>.//

I walked up the many steps and found myself in front of
Genkai’s temple. Yukina was outside, tending to the garden and singing softly
to the neighboring birds. Her aqua-colored head shot up when her brother’s
familiar ki became present. Smiling, she stood up
from her work and ran over to hug Hiei when he came into view.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Oniisan! I have the most wonderful
news to tell you!”

The youkai had a confused expression on his face. class=GramE>“Really? Wazzatclass=GramE>?”

The Koorime opened
her mouth but closed it again after observinr brr brother. “Oniisan…you smell
of liquor…”

“I do?” he asked, sniffing his arm. “No class=SpellE>Iz don’t.”

“Is something wrong?” Yukina said with worry written over
her face. “Did something happen?”

“No!” replied Hiei hurriedly, waving his hands in front of
her. “< cla class=SpellE>Nothin’ important happened! Why does everyone class=SpellE>freakin’ ask that?”

Yukina wasn’t convinced. “Oniisan, I think you better come
inside…you’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not!” He pushed away from his sister’s hand. “I’m
fine!”

“Yukina, who’s there?”

I turned towards the new voice, which belonged to Kuwabara.
“Is something wrong, koi?”

“K – koi?” Hiei asked in disbelief.
He looked at his sister. “You mean…you-“

“We’re getting married in two months, Oniisan,” she said
with pleading eyes. “Hadn’t you heard?”

His fists tightened into balls at his side after a minute of
thinking. Even with my clear body, I felt a rise in the surrounding
temperature, instantly knowing that it meant bad news.

His hand came up and hit Yukina squarely in the eye.

“Yukina!” Kuwabara cried, and ran
to her side. He gave Hiei an astonished look while cradling the fallen Ice
Maiden.

The fire demon swayed a bit in his spot. “You…bitch…” and
passed out.

I fell into the darkness again and tried to settle my
breaths. You didn’t.

//I did.//

No more, please.

My plea was unheard, as I ended up inside a Makai bar. The
cramped room was filled with an assortment of demons, all in drinking contests,
laughing their lungs out or in a heated fight. I scanned to room, looking for a
door and desperately wanting to leave…

//Not yet.//

“Bartender…’nother one.”

Hiei picked up three bottles of different alcohols and drank
them down instantly. His outfit was even more unkempt, with at least twenty new
stains on the fabric. He hunched over and bowed his head, the once spiky hair
now messy and greasy.

“N’ so I told him ta burn n’ Hell
n’ all…ran off like a lizard.”

“Life sucks, dozn’t it?” a
human-looking demon with wings said next to him. “Kinda
makes ya wonder why we’re even here….if class=SpellE>therez anything’ ta live class=SpellE>fer.”

“Hn.”

“You’re pretty handsome fer class=SpellE>someon’ so short,” he said, tipping up Hiei’s chin so he
could look at him. “Bet yer good in bed.”

“Hn,” was the reply. Their faces
leaned closer in as they met for a kiss-

“Stop it,” I choked, body trembling. “STOP DAMMIT!”

The world didn’t go into darkness, but bled into a new
vision. I was on the floor in my apartment with limbs immovable, tears dripping
off my cheeks and a rugged Hiei on top of me. Black hiruiseki surrounded us,
hiding our presence like a wave crashed on a surfer. The youkai sighed and let
go of his iron grip. “Now you know…”

It took a while for my quickened pace to fall back. Those
memories were his own…he really did go through what I did. He really
expeced ced the pains of what betrayal and rejection could do to your soul. And
to think that we were so blind to each other’s needs…to think that I was so
blind during it all…

I couldn’t help it. My weakened body fell back into his
embrace and clung to him for dear life, fearing that we would be separated
again and couldn’t come back. Burying my face near his neck, I allowed the
water to fall from my eyes and wailed a deep cry within my throat that screamed
of sorrow.

~*~*~*~

Hunting you I can smell you - alive

Your heart poundin min my head

Watching me wanting me

I can feel you pull me down

Saving me raping me

Watching me

~*~*~*~