FINDING MY WAY HOME

Alright, I’m not sure you’re all going to like where this is going, but it’s been popular in the past so I’m going there again. Kurama’s been having a rough time of it, and things just get worse in this chapter. I’m having fun tormenting him though. I hope this came out alright. I’m sure you’ll let me know in one of those awesome reviews you guys send me. Enjoy.

Chapter 15

A month has passed since my memory returned, and though things haven’t fully returned to normal, Hiei and I are doing much better. We had a long talk and agreed we both needed to be more considerate of the other’s needs. It hasn’t been easy though because with everything that’s happened to me Hiei’s protective instincts have kicked into high gear, and I’m feeling suffocated and need space. No matter what, we’ll work it out.

One positive thing I’ve discovered in the past few days is that I’m liking most of the changes in Hiei. It’s nice to not be responsible for our entire household. Doing things together is also helping to strengthen our bond. We especially like cooking together. It turns out the
close proximity of the kitchen along with feeding each other while we cook can be very sensual play.

This morning was no different. Hiei is cutting up fresh fruit, feeding me an occasional morsel as I make scrambled eggs. Taking the eggs from the stove, I reward Hiei with a kiss. “Mmm Hiei, I do love cooking with you.”

Hiei chuckled. “The only downfall Fox is we eat a lot of cold meals.”

Grinning, I move from his arms to plate the eggs. Picking up the cutting board, Hiei adds fruit to the plates. Turning to the fridge for juice I suddenly feel dizzy and sway. When I reach out trying to regain my balance, Hiei grabs me. “Kurama, what’s wrong?”

I try to smile so he won’t worry. “It’s nothing Hiei. I just lost my balance.”

The fingers around my arm tighten. “The most graceful demon ever born never loses his balance. Now what the hell is going on?”

I sigh. “Let’s sit before our food gets cold.”

As soon as we were seated, Hiei turned to me. Stalling, I take a bite, encouraging him to do the same. Shrugging, I try to make light of what happened. “It’s nothing Hiei. I just got a little dizzy.”

He looks doubtful. “And just how many times have you been dizzy since you fainted on Yusuke?”

Knowing I’d been caught, I push my plate aside. “A few times. I haven’t fainted again though. I’m sure it’s just something to do with my memory returning. It will go away.”

Hiei shakes his head. “I’m taking you to see Yukina. If something is wrong we need to know.”

Resigning myself, I nod. “Alright Hiei, the next time we’re there, she can check me out. Now let’s finish breakfast.”

Pulling my plate back and taking a bite, I can tell Hiei’s about to argue. Suddenly, my stomach protests. Jumping up, I run for the bathroom. Hiei must have been right on my heels, because by the time I’m leaning over the toilet throwing up, he’s holding my hair back.

When I finish, I sit back on the floor and lean against the wall. Hiei flushes the toilet then wets a towel. Kneeling beside me he wipes my face. Helping me up, he leads me to the sink and hands me my toothbrush. “Are you alright now?”

Brushing my teeth, I just nod. “Good. As soon as you’re ready we’re going to the temple.”

Hiei leaves me to get ready. When I rejoin him, I see he has cleaned up our breakfast and is waiting by the door. Picking up my wallet and phone I follow him out. Once we’re in the garage I walk to the motorcycle, but Hiei is at my car opening the passenger door. “I’m not putting you on the back of my bike where you could faint and fall off. Now get in the car.”

Seeing he’s still holding the passenger door, I frown. “Hiei, you don’t know how to drive my car.”

When he didn’t respond something dawned on me. “HE taught you to drive my car, didn’t he?”

Hiei sighed impatiently. “No one taught me to drive, but I’ve watched you drive for years. It isn’t hard. Now get in.”

Annoyed, I do as he requests. When he gets behind the wheel I watch as he flawlessly starts the car and pulls out of the garage. “He let you drive my car.”

It wasn’t a question. “Yes, YOU did. You trusted me with your precious baby.”

Hearing his annoyance, I turn and look out the window. When my stomach rolls I know that was a mistake. Not wanting to throw up again I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Hiei must have noticed because he reached out to squeeze my hand. “Sorry fox, we’ll be there soon.”

Resting my head back against the seat, the drive went surprisingly fast. At the temple Hiei parked then hurried around the car to help me out. Knowing he was worried, I patiently allowed him to do so. When took my arm though to help me up the stairs I pulled my arm away. “I’m fine Hiei.”

When we got to the temple Yukina greeted us with a smile. “When Hiei called I was expecting the worst. Now that I see you, I’m not worried. Come, let’s see what’s going on. I don’t think we need the treatment room. Let’s just have a seat.”

When we were settled, Yukina turned to me. “Alright Kurama, let’s review your symptoms. Since the first incident we can go on is when you fainted a few weeks ago, let’s start there.”

I nodded. “Well, I don’t remember fainting, but I have been dizzy a few times since then.”

Yukina gave me a curious look. “How many times, or how often is a few times?”

I wasn’t surprised to hear Hiei growl at my answer. “Almost every day.”

Ignoring Hiei, Yukina nodded. “I see. Now what about this nausea and vomiting?”

Again my mate growled his displeasure at my response. “That started about ten days ago. It wasn’t bad at first and I’ve only thrown up twice.”

Calmly, Yukina nods again. “Alright, have you had any other symptoms?”

As I nod Hiei jumps up and begins pacing but doesn’t say a word. “Ever since my memory returned I’ve been getting headaches. They were every day at first, now I only have one every few days and they aren’t as bad as they first were.”

That was it for Hiei. “Damn it Kurama! You should have told me!”

Knowing he was right, I couldn’t argue. “I know Dragon, I just didn’t want you to worry. I thought it was just because my memory returned and would go away.”

Interrupting, Yukina indicated for me to lean closer. “Well let’s have a look and see what we find.”

She put her hands on either side of my head and I felt the familiar tingling of her energy. “I don’t see anything wrong here. Since the headaches are improving you might be right about them being related to your memory return. Now let’s see about the rest. I’m not sure they’re related and am a little more concerned you may have caught something since the other symptoms are getting worse.”

I wait patiently as her hands move down my body and back up again. After a minute they settle over my stomach. Across the room, Hiei is still pacing. I’m not looking forward to the inevitable conversation we will have when we get home. When Yukina finally removes her hands and sits back, Hiei stops and stares.

I begin to get a little anxious as Yukina seems to be searching for words. “Kurama, tell me, was there anything special or different about your soul merging with Shiori’s unborn child?”

I frown. “Not particularly. When I merged with him, he was dying and my strength helped save him. Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary.”

I can actually see her thinking through what I said and what she wants to ask. “How about the Youko? Is there anything special about Youko physiology that could be causing nausea and dizziness?”

Thinking about her question, I can’t think of anything and am about to shake my head when suddenly I remember something. Growing very still I stare at her. When she shrugs and gives me a little smile, I almost reach out and grab her. Somehow I restrain myself and growl. “That’s not possible Yukina. I am very careful.”

I know Hiei is waiting for me to explain, but I ignore him. Yukina looks uncomfortably between Hiei and myself. “I’m sure you are Kurama, but for six months things could have happened that you didn’t have control of.”

Realizing the truth of her words, my heart sinks. “Damn it! Is HE ever going to stop screwing with my life?”

Until he suddenly shouts I realize I’d forgotten about Hiei. “One of you had better tell me what the hell is going on!”

Not wanting to believe what I’m thinking, I wait for Yukina to say the words. “Hiei, Kurama is fine. I know this will be a surprise for you, but Kurama is going to have a baby.”

My worst fears have just been confirmed. I’m not sure what I expect Hiei’s reaction to be, so I wait as he processes the information. “How the hell can that be? Men can’t get pregnant.”

Since Yukina didn’t have that answer, I know I have to. “It is not commonly known, but Youko are born hermaphrodites and can chose whether to live as male or female. As a child I chose to be a male. I have always been very careful during mating season to either be dominant or make sure to take something to prevent me from conceiving.”

It’s obvious that Hiei is angry. Yukina stood and smiled at me. “I think I’ll give you two some privacy to talk.”

When she left, Hiei looked at me accusingly. “Why didn’t you ever tell me having a child was a possibility?”

I can’t keep the impatience from showing in my response. “Because it wasn’t supposed to be a possibility Hiei. Centuries ago I chose to be male. That meant the only way I would ever have a child is if I impregnated some female. Luckily, I was very careful in the past and I don’t have any unwanted offspring that I know of.”

Damn! I can see by the look on Hiei’s face that that didn’t come out right. “Hiei, I need to get out of here before I say something I’ll regret, if I haven’t already. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Not even waiting for him to respond, I jump up and run out. Feeling him follow me, I turn and yell. “Go back inside Hiei! I need to be alone right now! I need time to think before we talk about this!”

Heading for the forest, I need to run. Easily changing to my Youko form, I race through the trees. Knowing I will eventually run out of forest and find civilization I turn back towards the temple, but before I get there, I veer right. In just a few minutes I am looking out over the ocean. Making my way down to the beach I pull off my shoes and run along the shore. The sand feels cool to my bare feet.

Before I run out of private beach, I stop and turn to look out at the sea again. A nice spring breeze is whipping my long silver hair behind me. Physically, I feel better. Fresh air and a good run can cure almost anything in my opinion. My problems however aren’t all physical. Waking up to find my memory had been gone for six months turned my life upside down, but even with the fresh air clearing my head, finding out I am pregnant, is absolutely devastating.

I don’t really get a chance to think through this new development when I feel Hiei nearby. Hoping he’ll respect my request for space, I ignore him. Unfortunately, Hiei never learned the definition of tact. A moment later he is standing beside me looking out at the sea. “Damn it Hiei, why the hell couldn’t you just leave me alone for one lousy hour?”

I can physically feel his anger. “Because in your condition, anything could happen to you out here! You are my damn mate Kurama, it’s my job to protect you! How the hell can I protect you though when you keep secrets from me? I should be able to trust you not to keep secrets Fox. Especially ones as important as you being sick and being able to have a child. Don’t you think that at some point in all the years we’ve been together you should have told me that one?”

I hate that we’ve been fighting so much lately, and I hate that it’s mostly been my fault. That doesn’t change the anger in my voice however. “No Hiei, I don’t. This was my decision to make and I never had any intention of ever having a child. Therefore there was no reason for me to tell you it was a possibility.”

I can tell my words hurt him, but it was the truth. “Kurama, telling me you were capable of having a child doesn’t mean I’d have tried to get you to have one. Don’t you realize that if I had known that bit of information when you lost your memory, you wouldn’t be pregnant now.”

I sigh. “We can’t play the ‘if only’ game Hiei. If we did then I could say if only I hadn’t lost my memory I wouldn’t be in this mess either.”

Hiei growls. “YOU are not in a MESS Kurama! WE are going to have a BABY! Now, let’s go home so we can talk about this.”

Shaking my head, I turn away from him. “No Hiei. I’m not ready to talk about this. I’m scared and confused and I need to think. I never wanted this and I need to figure out what I’m going to do.”

Reaching out, Hiei pulls me around to look at him. “You’re not going to DO anything that might harm that child Kurama! If you really don’t want it after it‘s born, then I’ll take it to Makai and raise it myself! Now, let’s go home.”

My heart just broke. Flinging his hand off me I almost screamed at him. “Don’t you dare touch me!”

When Hiei reached for me again, I put a hand up and flared my ki. Seaweed that had been washed ashore snaked out, imprisoning Hiei’s legs. Backing away, I growl. “Don’t even think of following me Hiei! I just want to be left alone right now!”

Running towards the forest I know I don’t have much of a head start before Hiei frees himself, but my Youko speed gives me another advantage. Not bothering to mask my ki, I head to a thick patch of trees and use them for cover as I rip open a portal to Makai. When I am right at the threshold of the portal I completely mask my ki and jump to a large tree. Hiding in the thick branches I close the portal.

Seconds later Hiei comes tearing through the trees. Cussing a blue streak at me, he rips open a portal of his own and jumps through it. The moment it closes behind him, I drop to the ground. Sadly I look to where Hiei had just been. “I’m sorry Dragon.”