FINDING MY WAY HOME

First I want to thank everyone for the great reviews. You all know how much I love them.

I know this chapter is a little short, but it seemed right to end it where I did. Yes, Kurama’s a little off but I’ll explain that soon. In fact he hasn’t even begun to go off the deep end yet. Yes, that means I’m far from ending the emotional rollercoaster just yet. Oh well, I hope you’re enjoying this. Please keep the great reviews coming.

Chapter 14

Coming out of the bathroom the morning after regaining my memory, I’m surprised to see Hiei is already up. Knowing he’s probably waiting for breakfast, I dress quickly and go looking for him. Finding him at the table on the patio, I stop short. On the table is a pot of tea and a plate of fruit. In his hand is a tablet which he is studying intently. In all the years we’ve known each other if I don’t make breakfast, we don’t eat breakfast. “Hiei, what’s going on?”


Setting the tablet aside, Hiei answered casually as if nothing had changed. “Morning Fox. I’m reading yesterday’s police reports. I have intel on both demons they brought in yesterday and they shouldn’t cause any problems. What do you want to do today?”

As I sit down, he pours me a cup of tea. “I’m going to see my mother. Now don’t change the subject. When did you start fixing breakfast and why are you doing my job?”

He shrugged. “You didn’t remember our routine, so we made a new one. Whichever one of us was up first fixed breakfast. As for your job, few days after you lost your memory there was an incident with an A-class that busted up the jail. That’s when we got together and split up your work. Yusuke and I worked out a schedule for monitoring the police reports and handling demon affairs. Kuwabara handles most of the rest.”

Realizing there was going to be more to adjusting back into my own life than I first thought, I nod. “I see. So, who taught you to make tea?”

Hiei frowned. “I’ve seen you make tea like a million times Fox. I think I could figure it out. So, did you tell Shiori yet?”

I shook my head. “I called to tell her I was coming, but I thought I’d wait to tell her about my memory in person.”

Hiei stood up then kissed me. “Eat something while I get my boots on, then we’ll get going.”

I frown. Hiei never went to visit my mother unless I dragged him. “I wasn’t taking you with me Dragon.”

He stopped and there was a pause before he turned back to me. “You just got your memory back, I don’t think you should be out on your own just yet. Besides, you fainted and hit your head two days ago and we still don’t know why.”

Rising from the table, I glare at him. “I’m fine Hiei, and I’m going to my mother’s by myself.”

When I would have walked past him, he grabbed my arm. “I’m going with you Kurama.”

I know his tone is just responding to mine, but it annoys me none the less. “No you’re not Hiei. I have my memory back, I have full control of my powers and I don’t need babysitting anymore.”

Dropping my arm, he sighs. “No you don’t, but you are still my mate, I still worry about you and want to protect you.”

I understand his point, but I still want to go alone. With a sigh, I reach out to caress his cheek. “I know you do Hiei, but I’m just going to my mother’s. I’ll be back in an hour or two at most. Besides, it will give me a little time to myself to get my head together.”

I can tell he is reluctant, but finally nods. “Alright Fox, but promise you’ll come straight home after.”

Smiling, I give him a sweet kiss. “I promise Dragon. See you soon.”

Before he can change his mind, I give him another quick kiss and head out the door. A few minutes later I’m in my car zipping through traffic. Before long I’m cruising down the highway with the windows open allowing the breeze to whip through my hair. I didn’t lie to Hiei, I’ll go straight home after seeing my mother, but I really do want time to think.

In less than twenty-four hours it’s clear that there is a lot to adjust to. The furniture wasn’t the only thing that was rearranged in my life. Things in my kitchen were moved. There are clothes missing from my closet, replaced by new ones that I would never have bought. Even my green toothbrush had turned orange. I hate orange.

Hiei was different too. I’ve been taking care of Hiei since I was eleven years old. Now suddenly this morning he fixed breakfast. He’s doing other things too. With so much going on yesterday he ordered takeout for lunch. When the doorman came up with our food, he answered the door and paid him too. He’s never done that before. He even helped me cook dinner last night. The only place I’ve ever seen Hiei prepare his own food was in Makai, and that was fresh fruits and nuts, or fresh killed meat cooked over a campfire.

Apparently, meal time wasn’t the only change for Hiei. Last night he’d hung his towel after his shower, and put a load of clothes in the washer. I didn’t know he even knew what the washing machine was. In my absence he’d also stepped up to help in the demon affairs office as well as reviewing the police reports. If Hiei and Yusuke were doing all of that, and Kuwabara was handling my work at city hall, what the hell have I been doing for the past six months?

Realizing things weren’t getting any clearer, I turn back towards the city and head to my mother’s. Half an hour later I’m knocking on her door. Opening it, I call out. “Mother! I’m home!”

I hear her call from the garden. “I’m out here Shuuichi!”

Joining her, I see her watering the plants. When she shuts off the water and turns to me, I smile and give her a big hug and kiss her cheek. Surprised by my enthusiastic greeting she laughs. “Shuuichi, what’s gotten into you today?”

Releasing her, I grin. “I’m celebrating being home. Apparently I’ve been gone for a while.”

I see her eyes light up the moment my words sink in. “You got your memory back! Oh Honey, I’m so happy for you. Hiei must be thrilled.”

I deceived this woman for years, but for some reason, now that she knows my secrets, I can’t seem to keep one from her. “Alright Shuuichi, what’s wrong?”

With a sigh I follow her to the bench under the tree in the corner of the garden. “I go to sleep one night and everything is fine. Then the next morning everything has changed. My things are moved around, my clothes are different, my friends are doing my work, oh and my husband has fallen in love with another man. I’ve never felt so out of control.”

Quite unsympathetically, my mother laughs. “Oh Shuuichi, it’s not that bad. So a few things were moved around, move them back. As for your friends doing your work, it needed to get done and your team stepped up and did it. Now that other man you think Hiei’s in love with, now that would be concerning, but Son that man is you.”

I shake my head. “It just doesn’t feel like me. Mother, that man changed Hiei. I’m not saying he changed in a bad way, but he changed Hiei in ways I never could. Hiei did things for him that he never did for me.”

Though she is still amused, I can see compassion in her eyes now. “Shuuichi, Hiei didn’t have a choice. You were scared and confused, in an alien environment with strangers who claimed to be your family and friends. Without your memory he had to take responsibility for everything. He stepped up and handled all of your personal and business affairs, he saw to your safety and training. He even got you to fall in love with him all over again.”

As my mother spoke, my stepfather came out to join us. “I’m guessing your memory returned. Welcome back Son. Shiori hasn’t even touched on your personal relationship. Surprisingly, you accepted being a demon without a blink, but were terrified of being in a relationship with another man. That was tough on you and Hiei.”

Shiori nodded. “Hiei hid it well, by you crushed him when you wanted to stay here in stead of going home with him. With a little convincing you did go home but you didn’t sleep for three days because you wouldn’t let Hiei in the bed. You even confessed to your father that you thought you might be homophobic. Considering all of that, I think you and Hiei did a pretty good job working things out.”


Looking at each of them, I shrug. “Knowing how hard things were without my memory, doesn’t make getting it back any easier. I guess I just need to give it more time.”

My mother said something else, but I wasn’t listening. A tingling up the back of my neck alerted me to something on the roof of the house. Not turning to look, I send vines up from where they grew on the side of the house. When my mother saw them over my shoulder and started to point, I raised my finger to my lips and shushed her. A moment later there is a loud grunt. “Damn it Kurama! Get this thing off me!”

Dangling over the edge of the roof is Hiei. Deciding to do as he asked, I had the vine drop him. My mother gasps, but Hiei lands lithely on his feet. When she would have gone to check on him, I hold up a hand to stop her. Her eyes widen when I growl at my mate “Hiei, I told you I wanted to come alone! Do you enjoy spying on me now?”

Standing his ground, Hiei glared back. “That depends. Did you enjoy your little joy ride this morning?”

This was getting out of control and for some reason I can’t stop it. “I just asked for time to clear my head! I was about to come right home like I promised, but you couldn’t let me have even that could you! Unlike HIM, I don’t need you to baby sit or protect me!”

Though Hiei never raised his voice, his tone clearly said he was angry. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I were you Fox, but if you want time alone, you got it!”

With that, Hiei flitted away. Even knowing that I drove him off, I’m still a little stunned that he left. Before turning back to my parents I draw a deep breath and release it. My mother’s face reflects her disbelief. “Shuuichi, what have you done?”

With another deep sigh I shrug. “I don’t know Mother. For some reason we’re getting on each others nerves right now. Don’t worry, he’ll be back by tomorrow. It depends on how mad he is and how guilty he feels as to whether he’ll come back in time to let me sleep tonight.”

After the awful display I’d put on in front of my parents, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Once I get home I look around the empty apartment and regret being so hard on Hiei. Knowing there’s nothing I can do about it but wait for him to come home I start going through the apartment. By mid afternoon I’ve put back all the things I think are out of place. I’ve cleaned out my closet and reorganized my desk.

Realizing I still hadn’t eaten, I head to the kitchen. Pulling out last nights leftovers, I pick at them a while before tossing them in the trash. After that I went out to my rooftop garden. Working with and talking to my plants is always therapeutic. It had been dark for several hours before I finally go back inside.

I was about to lock up when I realize Hiei’s keys are still on the table by the door. Thinking back to when I came in, the alarm was set, but the patio door wasn’t locked. That means when he left, he went via the terrace. Going out to the railing, I call softly. “Hiei, are you there?”

When minutes pass and I get no response, I go back inside. Leaving the door unlocked, I set the alarm and go into the bedroom. I know I won’t sleep without my mate, but at least I can rest. Deciding to read a while, I strip down and crawl in bed. I’d asked Hiei for time to think, and I’ve had all day to do so. Unfortunately I don’t feel any different than I did this morning except that I miss Hiei.

Tossing the unread book on the night stand, I turn out the light. Laying there in the dark all I can think of is Hiei. I know I’m an idiot for feeling the way I do, but I can’t stop being jealous of the man that has been with my husband for the past six months. I know Hiei loves me, but I can’t help wondering if there’s something about him he might love more. What the hell is wrong with me that I can’t get my emotions under control?

I don’t know how much time passed as I lay there thinking when suddenly I hear the alarm beep. A moment later I hear the code entered as it is reset. Wondering what he is doing, it’s several minutes before Hiei comes in the room. Expecting him to come to bed, I’m surprised when he goes in the bathroom. A moment later I hear the shower.

Since Hiei usually takes quick showers, I know he is stalling by how long he is taking. My heart jumps when the bathroom door finally opens, but again I am kept waiting as he goes into the closet. Eventually he comes and silently climbs in bed. For several minutes we both lay on our backs, just looking up at the ceiling. Knowing this tension is my fault, I reach out and weave my fingers with his. He squeezes my hand but still doesn’t say anything.

I could easily go to sleep now that he is here with me, but I know that’s not what we need. Words aren’t what we need either. We’ll talk later, we always do after we fight. Right now I need to reconnect with my mate. Without releasing his hand, I turn to look at him, then crawl over until I am laying on top of him. When he doesn’t move but just watches me, I know he’s not going to make this easy.

Gently, I lean down and start kissing his neck. Instantly I start feeling the tension leave his body. When I kiss along his jaw, across his cheek and finally settle my lips over his, I feel his free hand caress up my back. For some time we lay like that, just kissing. Eventually, I plant my knees on either side of his hips and lift my body off of his.

Releasing my hand, he starts touching me. Unlike our usual love making, his touch isn’t intended for pleasure, but simply to prepare me. When he’s ready, he rolls me beneath him and takes me. This isn’t the fiery, passionate sex we usually have, this is lovemaking in it’s simplest form. It’s slow and sensual and meant to be a reconnection of body, mind and soul.

Much later, as we lay sated in each other’s arms, no words are needed but I want to say them anyway. “I love you my precious Dragon.”

His arms tighten around me and he kisses my forehead. “I love you too my beautiful Fox.”