rate_review Reviews

YAY! MORE MORE MORE! ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE! Thankyou for posting so soon as well its really nice when you do that, so its not like waiting for months at an end for one chapter. I love your story! WHEE!

I'm loving it so far. Keep writing, I can't wait for the next chapter.

I love you story! Omg! OMG! Please please please write or type more, post post post! PLEASE! I was at scool the eniter day just saying, i want to go home and read, read reaad! I apsolutly love your story! ^^

Aaaw! Kuronue is such a kind demon, Yoko's a meany.

OH MY GOD WHAT A GREAT FANFICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SPENT ALL NIGHT READING IT!!!!!! PLZ UPDATE SOON I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!..................... GOD IT'S GOOD!!!!! BEST SEX SCENES I'VE READ IN A WHILE! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

this is so good, please continue as soon as possible, it would be cool if the baby was Yoko or Koronue's. Aaaw ! that is if they let Nari keep it.

oh man what a cliffy
geeez
Great fanfic you got going here.
thanks for the great read.
can't wait for the next update

You have a decent basic plot. Having KuroKuraYomi abusing human as sex slaves is not a common idea; so I’ll give you credit for that. Now, what you need to make this story so much plausible and enjoyable is a beta reader. A beta reader could work with your grammar and the story’s flow, plus you’ll be able to improve your writing skill in shorter time than it would usually takes without a beta. You already have a good tendency to explain things that needs to be explained, i.e., how Nari was kidnapped (if you have her suddenly appeared in the Makai to be a sex slave, I’ll throw bricks on you), what kind of pain rose whip could cause, etc. You only have to hone up the sensibility skill about which bits that need more explanation and which bits that would be boring and become wordy if you mention it over and over again.
BTW, poor Nari and NO, girls don’t bleed that much when they first fucked. I thought she was having her period or something. Or was she? Otherwise, I like this story and definitely want to know how things turn out.
You sick psycho and I’m glad YYH section still have a psycho like you to live things up a lil’ bit! Mwahahahha!!!

Humm....well good story so far, I like it. Nice idea for the plot line. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to find out what happens next! I wonder if there are going to be some relationships in this story.