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October 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I remember trying to review this earlier. It was a wonderful story, and while it wasn't whathoughought at first, it was better than I imagined! You did an amazing job. I thoroughly enjoyed this from beginning to end.
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September 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was wonderfully written. Sometimes I prefer the beautiful aspect of Hiei and Kurama's relationship than the outright sexing. Might I only give one bit of concrit? Whenever someone new speaks, the paragraph has to be broken.
As he rubbed Hiei’s small fingers in his own, he prompted gently, “Tell me about it, Hiei.” Immediatelhe ehe entranced youkai began to speak.
“It’s Yukina. This is the first year she knows.” Puzzled, the kitsune urged his lover to continue, working up the arm to the shoulder. “Tomorrow. She will be thinking tomorrow. What if she doesn’t like it?” Kurama continued with the second arm, starting again at the hand, and slowly edging his way up to the shoulder. He could see by the expression on Hiei’s face, that the closer he came to the strong chest, the more forceful the emotions became, and it would become more intense as he went. Before he could push the fire demon to continue, Hiei did so on his own. “They discarded me. They threw me away. What if she throws me away, as well? I don’t want that. I never told her. I was afraid of being thrown away again. Tomorrow, she may change her mind.” Starting on Hiei’s foot, Kurama continued his progression up towards Hiei’s torso again.
“What is so special about tomorrow, Love?” he asked gently.
Sorta like that. As long as Hiei's speaking, or the subject of the matter doesn't change, there doesn't need to be a break. If someone else begins to speak, it needs separation.
As he rubbed Hiei’s small fingers in his own, he prompted gently, “Tell me about it, Hiei.” Immediatelhe ehe entranced youkai began to speak.
“It’s Yukina. This is the first year she knows.” Puzzled, the kitsune urged his lover to continue, working up the arm to the shoulder. “Tomorrow. She will be thinking tomorrow. What if she doesn’t like it?” Kurama continued with the second arm, starting again at the hand, and slowly edging his way up to the shoulder. He could see by the expression on Hiei’s face, that the closer he came to the strong chest, the more forceful the emotions became, and it would become more intense as he went. Before he could push the fire demon to continue, Hiei did so on his own. “They discarded me. They threw me away. What if she throws me away, as well? I don’t want that. I never told her. I was afraid of being thrown away again. Tomorrow, she may change her mind.” Starting on Hiei’s foot, Kurama continued his progression up towards Hiei’s torso again.
“What is so special about tomorrow, Love?” he asked gently.
Sorta like that. As long as Hiei's speaking, or the subject of the matter doesn't change, there doesn't need to be a break. If someone else begins to speak, it needs separation.
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September 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This fic is so beautiful and intense; I haven't read something so original in a very long time!
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September 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Way to go. I loved it. It was very intimate, without being dirty or smutty. Although, dirty and smutty is is ok sometimes too.
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September 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Well, I don't know how you feel about what you wrote, but I think it was just beautiful.
From start to finish, it was all about love and caring on a level well above pure physical. Heck of a story you have there!
From start to finish, it was all about love and caring on a level well above pure physical. Heck of a story you have there!
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September 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Block paragraphs aren't nice. Let's see... The story's good. Just remember to be kind to people with poor eyesight... People like me.